


The Beginning of a Series of Unfortunate Occurrences, in Which Karkat's life gets Fucked Six Ways to Sunday

by Recesskup



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Humanstuck, I'll have character descriptions in the notes, It's a very loose au for to all the boys I've loved, Multi, Mutual Pining, Primarily DaveKat, Very small amount of Jade/Dave, albino!Dave, albino!Karkat, but also not at certain points, but that's about it, possible smut????? Idk yet, slowburn, there are letters and the first few chapters follow the book, we'll see where this takes me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-07-10 19:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15956318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recesskup/pseuds/Recesskup
Summary: Karkat is seventeen years old, almost eighteen, and starting his junior year of high school. This wouldn't be so bad if his eldest sister Terezi wasn't leaving to go to college in Scottland. It would also be a hell of a lot easier if Karkat didn't have a huge crush on her Boyfriend, John fucking Egbert.But he wasn't going to acknowledge that, nope, no fucking way. He'd written a letter and stuck it with the other four to be forgotten in due time. They were his secret, never to be sent and never to be read by anyone but him. If he had anything to do with it, the letters he'd written to a kid from model U.N. in fifth grade, a girl from summer camp, the fashion queen of the school, his sister's boyfriend, and the biggest shades-wearing douche would never be seen by the recipients.But, like always, life just loves to fuck Karkat Vantas at least once a week, if not more. (Hint: It always fucks him more)





	1. A Letter Sent, a Lover About to be Scorned As Fuck

**Author's Note:**

> Here are the descriptions of the kids and their families.
> 
>  
> 
> Ethnicities:
> 
> -The Vantas household: The family is Korean/ Italian.  
> -Karkat: Pale, black hair (dyed), and ruby red eyes. Typically has dark bags under his eyes. He's tanner than normal albinos due to his Italian heritage and that Terezi forces him to go outside with her.  
> -Terezi: Tan, and bright red hair. Her eyes are blue, but her red shades often cover them up. She is legally blind.  
> -Nepeta: Her skin tone is an in-between shade of Terezi and Karkat, not super tan but also not stark pale. Her skin shows her Italian heritage. Her hair is a medium brown. Her eyes are a teal/green color.
> 
> -Strilondes: A hodgepodge of color really. Bro is Western European, Mom Is From the Carribean, one of the French colonized islands.  
> -Dave: Very Tan like when sugar starts to caramelize, Red eyes, signature blonde hair, that is almost white. His natural hair is brown. He has a genetic disease known as Poliosis, this causes a white spot in hair so he bleaches it. He has freckles that are dust his face and is self-conscious about it.  
> -Dirk: Basically Dave. He dyed his hair too so his bro would feel confident. His eyes are a vibrant amber, almost orange. He wears shitty anime shades and has impossibly spiked hair.  
> -Rose: A deep caramel color, her hair is more of a natural dirty blonde, with purple edging the bottoms of her hair. Her eyes are a deep shade of Indigo, but appear to be almost purple.  
> -Roxy: Also has caramel colored skin, her hair is a natural dirty blonde, but with pink highlights throughout her hair. Her eyes are an odd shade of pink, not as red as dave but the gene is still there.
> 
> -Kanaya: A Beautiful goddess. She has dark, cocoa colored skin. Her hair is cut short and styled into almost an undercut, but more elegant, with a streak of deep emerald green in the front. Her eyes are a light green/grey color.
> 
> -Gamzee: Dark skinned, big fluffy dreads. He is very tall and very skinny but will fuck you up in a second if anyone hurts his friends. He doesn't know his ethnicity, nor does he care.  
> -Sollux: Hispanic, lighter skinned with dark brown hair. Signature glasses, one red one blue. Is a damn string bean.  
> -Aradia: Japanese heritage, her hair is wavy and black, and her eyes are a light green.  
> -Vriska: Scottish and German heritage. Her skin is pale and her hair is a very light brown with a royal blue streak. Her eyes are a light blue and she has a prosthetic left arm due to a bad car accident.
> 
> Harley/Egbert/Crocker/English  
> -Jade: Tan as all get out, she's from the Dominican Republic, lighter green eyes and dark hair.  
> -Jake: Also tan as hell, brother to jade, one year above her. Dating Dirk Strider. Deep green eyes.  
> -John: Jake and Jade's cousin. A pasty ass mother fucker. Basically all the art of John, pale, a stick, blue eyes, a bucktoothed smile that's still cute???  
> -Jane: John's older sister. She's ticcer than her sibling and cousin, but it suits her well and she loves herself. Her hair is cut like a grandma's but more modern (This is the only way I could think to describe her) She also has blue eyes.
> 
> (These are slightly influenced by Ikimaru's Humanstuck art. They're an amazing artist and you should definitely check them out)
> 
> I don't know how often I'll update. I'm in college and this is a story I work on when I have free time. But I have been on a roll with this fic for a few weeks now and have a lot of ideas lined up, so it should be updated at least somewhat regularly.

_The wind whipped at her dress as she walked across the field, her heart thumping heavily against her ribs in anticipation. She knew what she was doing was wrong, to love a man already engaged to another, but she couldn’t help it. And she knew he felt the same, why else would he be here waiting for her if he didn’t?_  
_There, across the field, standing taller than he ever would, was John. His black hair ruffled from the wind, blue eyes gazing directly at him. His light cloth shirt hugged his chest and exposed the area of skin right below his neck. Karkat stilled in his movements to take in the other’s beauty. He wondered what it would feel like, to have his arms wrapped around John's neck as he held him close. To feel his lips against his.  
John smiled and began to walk towards Karkat, his hand outstretched when-_

__

Karkat was startled out of his fantasy when a pillow hit him square in the face, knocking the novel out of his hands and onto his clothing covered floor, effectively making him lose his place. He whipped his head to the direction from which the pillow had come, only to see his little sister Nepeta, a smug smirk on her face.

“If you’re done getting lost in your romance novels come downstairs, dinner is going to be done in a little bit. Like half an hour at most. And John is coming over too since it's our last dinner with Terezi.” Nepeta leaned against his doorway, arms crossed over her small frame.

Right. That. He had completely forgotten about tonight being his last night with his older sister Terezi, who was going off to college in Scotland. Her old best friend Vriska, who had been one year ahead of her school wise, went and absolutely loved it. So it’s where Terezi decided to go as well and be roommates with her, much to Karkat’s dismay.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Vrisa or anything, she was a bitch but she was always kind-hearted and protected him and his sisters like they were family. She even fended off a few bullies for him when he was a freshman, and no one has really fucked with him since out of fear of the Spider Bitch sending them to the hospital.

Karkat was upset for the sole reason that, well, his sister was leaving. His closest, most trustworthy best friend was leaving the damned country. And he knew he’d see her again, and it wasn’t like she was dying or anything, but it still sucked. Terezi was what made school tolerable, aside from Sollux, Gamzee and John that is.

Oh right, John. Some background on John would probably help. John is Terezi’s boyfriend of two years, and the guy Karkat has a massive bulgesucking crush on. No, actually, crush is too soft a term. To be fair, he knew him first. They’d been best friends since they could fucking ride bikes, he just realized his feelings too late. 

No matter how many fantasies he had about him and John falling in love, he could never hurt Terezi that way. So John remained just that, a fantasy, and a friend. No more. No matter how many butterflies filled his stomach when John smiled that big toothed, lopsided grin.

Karkat leaned over the edge of his bed to retrieve his fallen book, and then promptly turned back to Nepeta, “I’ll be down after this chapter, calm your fucking horses.” He smiled at her to show that his words have far less malice than they normally would.

“Okay, well, don’t take too long!!” She scampered back down the stairs, no doubt to help Terezi try and salvage dinner.

Karkat couldn’t help but find his mind wandering back to John, so to combat those thoughts, he rose from his bed and wandered into his closet. Hidden on the top shelf, above his array of sweaters and hoodies, was a box. Specifically, a red box, wrapped in satin with a bow on top. And in that box were five very specific letters.

Each letter was addressed to a very specific individual, his crushes. Whenever Karkat got a crush so strong that it was almost unbearable, he’d write the person a letter. It was a way to remind him just how powerful his feelings could get.

The first letter was addressed to Eridan Ampora, a shitty little asshole he had met on a model UN trip in the fifth grade. He was obnoxious and terrible, but he got along with Karkat well and made him laugh. They hadn’t spoken since, so you could figure out how far that relationship had gone.

The second letter was addressed to a kid from his summer camp named Meenah. She was snarky and had an attitude just like him. They played pranks on the other campers and made fun of the counselors. She was a one summer friend though, as the next year she hadn’t returned and he hadn’t heard of her since.

The third letter was addressed to a girl he had asked to dance with at Freshman homecoming. Kanaya Maryam. She was elegant and graceful even back then, and it’d taken all night for him to figure out how to approach her for a dance. She still attended his school, they just hadn’t talked in forever. And his feelings for her were long gone.

The fourth letter belonged to technically who had given him his first kiss. Dave Strider, in seventh grade. It had been a game of spin the bottle, nothing serious to Dave, but Karkat sure as hell held onto those feelings. If you’d asked him about it now, he’d deny that he ever had feelings for that shades-wearing douche. No matter how pretty he may be. Besides he was with Jade, so there was no point in trying anyway.

And finally, the fifth and most recent letter, was to John motherfucking Egbert. It had been an accident really, hell, Karkat had only noticed his feelings after he and Terezi started dating. And he wasn’t about to pull dibs on a human person. And even if they did ever break up he’d still be off limits, no fucking way could he hurt Terezi like that.

Each letter had his “caps lock scratch” as Terezi called it, on the back of the envelope, detailing each crush’s address along with Karkat's return address. These five letters were his most secret, most prized possession. And no one knew about them.

“Karkat come on!” Nepeta, once again in the doorway, tapped her foot impatiently. 

Karkat hastily shoved the letters back into the box and pushed it under his bed, covering it in his clothes for good measure. “God alright fucking fine! Hold your damn horses okay?” With a sigh, trying to clear the butterflies from his stomach, he followed Nepeta down the stairs.

He was greeted by the smell of burnt meat, no doubt from the meal their father has butchered with his less than subpar cooking skill, and the sight of his sister lounging on the rafter. She looked absolutely bored out of her thinkpan, but she perked up when she heard his footsteps.

“Finally joining the party Karkles? It’s about damn time!” She sent him her signature shark-toothed grin and slung an arm around his shoulders. She started to lead him into the kitchen when the doorbell rang out, “Oh, that must be John!” She quickly turned tail and opened the door, and planted a kiss on said man’s cheek almost immediately after.

He smiled down at her, “Heya Rez! Dinner sure smells, well, it smells alright!” This got a chuckle out of Karkat and a full-fledged kackle from Terezi. John then noticed Karkat and gave him a lopsided smile, “Hey Karkat! How ya doing?” He held out a hand for a high five, the fucking dork.

“Better than you I bet, Egbert.” You high five him and quickly move into the dining room, letting Terezi and John have their couple time. And because you need to quell the butterflies in your stomach. Fucking Egbert with his nice grin. How are buck teeth hot like that??? He has no right to be that fucking pretty. 

You sulk into the Kitchen to help your dad finish whatever the fuck he said was for dinner, chicken and sweet chili lime rice or something like that. Something that your mom made once in a blue moon all those years ago. It had been six years since she had passed on, and Karkat still felt like it was only yesterday when her voice filled the house’s halls.

His father was hunched over a recipe book, looking quizzically back and forth from said book to a pan of chicken, broccoli, and snow peas. He stuck out the point of his tongue in concentration and wore an apron decorated with small kittens that Nepeta had gotten him for Father’s Day. He looked ridiculous and was ridiculous, but you found yourself smiling at him despite that.

“Hey dad, how’s dinner going?” Karkat asks while leaning up against the kitchen island, popping a piece of leftover broccoli into his mouth. His father perked up, he probably hadn’t even noticed when Karkat had walked in.

“It’s going quite well, I’d say it's just about done. Well, as soon as the rice is done that is.” He gave his son a warm smile, his chocolate brown eyes crinkling in the corners. It was nice to have him home for dinner at a reasonable time, seeing as most nights he wasn’t home till extremely late. His father worked as a Gynecologist and seeing how unpredictable birth can be it's understandable the time he gets home would vary. But even with a job as unpredictable and demanding as his, he still always made sure that there would be at least one family dinner a week.

Karkat stepped around his father to examine the pots on the stove, picking up the wooden spoon on the counter to stir the chicken mixture, “Well, you didn’t burn anything yet so it’s looking good pops. And it smells pretty good too,” Karkat turned around and faced his father, holding the wooden spoon up to him, “Who are you and what have you done with my dad?” A smile playing lightly on his lips as he asked.

“Haha, very funny Kat. You just not ready to admit your pops is learning. Soon I’ll be auditioning for Master Chef! Then we’ll see who’ll be laughing!” He playfully nudged Karkat with his elbow, laughing softly along with his son. “Why don’t you go set the table while I finish up here? Sound like a plan?”

Giving a half-hearted salute, “Yes sir!” Karkat then began to gather the silverware and dishes, placing them on the table. Right as he was placing the last of the utensils he heard his father call out, “DInner!”

Terezi walked into the room whispering something to Nepeta about how to say dad’s food was, “Just like Mom’s” or something like that to which Nepeta proceeded to pout about. After all, she was still eating mashed up baby slop when Mom passed, so her saying it wouldn’t really help much. 

Everyone took their places around the table, Karkat and Nepeta next to each other on one side and Terezi and John facing opposite of them. Their Dad emerged from the kitchen with a bowl full of something that smells pretty damn good, for something a man in a kitten apron made. He placed it in the center of the table along with a pitcher of water and took his seat at the head of the table. Once everyone had grabbed their food and settled down, their father began a toast.

“Well then, here's to our last meal with Terezi for a while. You’re going to do amazing in college sweetheart!” Everyone raised a glass and cheered along.

After taking a long drink of water Nepeta spoke up, “Well, Thanksgiving isn’t too far away! And then Christmas is right after that! So we’ll see you really soon, right Terezi?”  
Terezi offered a sort of sad looking smile, causing Karkat to raise an eyebrow mid-bite of food. She had barely opened her mouth before their father cut in, “Actually, Kat, Terezi won’t be coming home for Thanksgiving. The break just isn’t long enough.”

“YOU”RE NOT COMING HOME?!” Karkat’s voice slipped into a shout as he turned to Terezi. He wasn’t mad, not at all. He was just really fucking sad now because he’d have to go even longer than he originally thought before he could see his best friend.

“Karkat, inside voice, please! And it’s not that big of a deal, only a few extra weeks is all.” His father tried to calm Karkat, and a distressed Nepeta, down with a soothing tone to his voice. “She’ll be-“

“Uhh, actually Mr. Vantas if I could say something?” John’s voice cut through his father’s words. Karkat had almost forgotten he was there, “Since Terezi can’t come home, I thought we’d bring home to Terezi.” He then opened his wallet and pulled out some folded paper from his wallet.

“John, are those plane tickets?” Terezi voice was deadly calm, and it honestly scared Karkat. He hadn’t heard her speak like that since her large fight with Vriska when they were 16.

“Yeah they are!” John replied chipper as ever, seemingly unaware of his girlfriend's sudden change in demeanor. “I booked them as soon as you told me the dates after you were admitted!” He smiled his goofy smile at her, but it didn’t make her smile back. She still held that same deadly calm expression.

“Look at John stepping up!” His father’s voice cut through the tension in the room but did nothing to lessen it. He clapped his hand a few times to show appreciation for the gesture.

Terezi’s face didn’t change, all she said was a very calm, very quite sentence. “We’ll talk about this after dinner.” She then proceeded to eat her food, quite as a mouse. Only talking when spoken to, obviously deep in thought. 

John continued to smile and laugh with the family, but Karkat could tell he’d realized something was up. It was by far the tensest dinner they’d had together since the dinner after his mom’s passing.

 

————————————————————————————————

 

Dinner was awkward to say the fucking least. As soon as everyone was done eating Karkat and Nepeta had scurried into the kitchen to help their father clean up. Terezi and John helping a small amount before Terezi leads John outside for "a talk."

It had been half an hour and they were still outside, Karkat could hear the muffled yells from your bedroom, and see them arguing from your window. He sighed, knowing that something big was happening and that he was powerless to stop it.

“You know, if it were you and I together, none of this would have ever happened.” You looked over your shoulder to see John lounging on your bed. Only it wasn’t actually John, it was a figment of his terrible fantasy, just your imagination. But despite this, you talk to him anyway.

“You know that's not true, I’ve never seen you as happy as when you're with Terezi. And the same can go for her. So just stop with all this damn woulda-coulda-shoulda shit and leave me alone.” Karkat huffed, blowing some of his unruly hair from his face. Now wasn’t the time for his delusional fantasies. “You’re not even real, so just fucking leave.”

“I’m more real to you than he is. And that should say something at least.” With those nice words, thanks so fucking much brain, the fake John disappeared. Karkat turned his attention back to Terezi and the real John outside. Only to see John standing very dejectedly, before turning to go back into his own house.

Not even a full minute later Terezi walked into his room, almost tripping on the mess that scattered your floor. “You should really clean Karkles, a blind girl like me may just well get hurt from all this junk.” She flops onto the bed and lets out a long sigh.

“What's wrong Terezi? Don’t think I didn’t notice your little change during dinner.” Karkat sits on his bed with her, carding a hand through her wild red hair. He noticed some tear stains going down her cheeks, visible by her glasses going askew.

“I just broke up with John.” Her voice is weak, and she sniffles. Karkat looks at her like she just grew a second head.

“You what? But… but you love him, right?” His voice is small, saddened by the state of his elder sister.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. But mom always said, don’t go to college with a boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever.”

“Do you think you’ll change your mind?” Karkat’s hand stilled as she sat up in his bed, holding one of his crab stuffed animals close to her chest.

“No. No, I won’t change my mind. It’ll hurt, but I need to do this.” Her voice took on the tone it did when she was putting on a brave face. She turns to Karkat and smiled, not shark toothed or scheming. Just small, sad, and tired. “I’m putting together a box to donate before I leave. I think you should do the same, get rid of some of this shit.”

Karkat raised an eyebrow at her, then looked away and smiled. “Yeah, sure. Maybe I can do that. But I don’t really have much I can throw away right now.” He looked around his cluttered room, it had charm and was cozy. He didn’t want to change that yet, not with so much else changing so fast.

“Get some sleep Karkles, we’ve got a big few days ahead and need all the rest we can get. Gog knows you need some fucking beauty sleep.” Karkat gave her a good-natured push in retaliation. She left his room to go to her own, undoubtedly tired both emotionally and physically. 

Karkat read tried reading his novel for a while, but each word was like a punch to the stomach. Eventually, he just gave up, snuggled under his covers with his large crab plush, and drifted into a fitful sleep. 

————————————————————————————————-

Karkat awoke far too early to a far too hectic morning. Terezi and his father rushed around the house, finishing last minute packing and preparing. His father quadruple checked that Terezi had her plane ticket as if she could lose it when he was hounding her so much.

Nepeta was sleepily eating cereal at the table, her notebook open while she lazily wrote down ideas for her stories. She looked up at Karkat as he entered the room and gave a small wave before diving back into her captain crunch.

Karkat was able to toast a Poptart and shower before his father was shoving him and his sisters into the car to go to the airport. He didn’t miss the way Terezi didn’t spare John a second of her acknowledgment as she got into the car. She kept her “gaze” straight and rigid, not moving until they had left their neighborhood.

The drive was short. Too short for Karkat’s liking. He wanted as much time as possible with her before she left, but his time was almost gone. He tried to categorize her laugh to memory, her smile, how she flipped a coin aimlessly when she was anxious. 

God, he’s making it seem like she's dying and not going to college. Rationally he knew she was only a skype call away, but that wasn’t the same.

The airport was fairly empty for a Sunday morning, people flitted to and fro, each trying to get where they were going with time to spare. They managed to get through security easily enough, only stopping when the TSA asked Terezi to show the metal she had tucked in her bag. She revealed it to be her cane and revealed in the stammering apologies of the workers.

Karkat loved when she pulled that prank, it was always entertaining no matter what the situation. He was going to miss that while she was away. All too soon they arrived at the boarding gate. Karkat, Nepeta and their father all turned to Terezi.

His father spoke first, “Remember to keep your wits sharp and to call us once you land. And to call when you get to the apartment with Vriska. Don’t be too irresponsible and keep your cane close okay? And…. and.. come here.” He enveloped Terezi in a hug along with Nepeta, holding her closely and tightly. When they stepped back he noticed the sad look Karkat was giving Terezi ad spoke up, “Come on Nep, let's get her some magazines.”

Terezi turned towards Karkat and opened her arms, “Come here little brother,” She smiled as he rushed into her hug, savoring the feeling.

“You couldn’t go somewhere that wasn’t halfway across the world? Who am I gonna sit with at lunch? Or drive to school with?” Karkat asked, only half joking. He pulled back from the hug to look up at Terezi, she grinned as she placed her hands on his shoulders, leveling him with her unseeing gaze.

“Think of this as a way to branch out and meet new people! You can do it, little brother, you’re the oldest sibling in the house now. You need to make a good example for Nep.” Her grin was unwavering, despite the tears welling in her eyes at their goodbye.

“I was afraid you’d say that. But, I’ll try. Though I doubt I could ever top you and your sibling skills.”

“Well duh! No one can beat me, it’s the law.” She hugged him tightly, burying her face in his hair. Muffled by Karkat’s unmanageable fluff her voice reached him, “Your roots are coming in Karkles.” He pushed her playfully before going in for one last hug, he was a hugger okay? He can’t help it. After what felt like seconds their father and Nepeta rejoined them, a stack of magazines in tow.

“We couldn’t decide which magazines to get so we just got them all. Even if you don’t read them you can use them for origami or something.” He handed her a stack of magazines with a sheepish smile. Once he had transferred the papers into her arms he pulled the four of them into a large group hug one last time.

After some final goodbyes, Terezi turned to get on the terminal, suitcase, and magazines in hand, and walked onto the plane without looking back. Just like Karkat knew she would. After all, dwelling on the past just wasn't Terezi.

Slowly, the family made their way back to the car, their father joking with them to lighten the mood however he could. And even though Karkat and Nepeta were sad, they couldn’t help but dwell on how happy for their big sister and the direction she was taking in life.

 

——————————————————————————————————-

 

“Dad do I really have to do this? You know how much anxiety this gives me!” Karkat’s voice whined as he called after his dad who was hurriedly trying to get to the hospital for an impromptu call to duty. Karkat looked at the Red Mazda anxiously, he fucking hates driving. Whoever thought letting people control these monstrosities in everyday life was a good idea was an idiot and needed to be shot on sight.

“Yes, Karkat, you do. Unless you want to take the bus you’ll be driving Nepeta and yourself to school. Now I’ll see you later tonight okay? Love you both!” He then climbed into his car and sped off towards the hospital to deliver another life into the world.

Resigned, Karkat let out a sigh and called out to Nepeta, “come on Nep! We gotta leave or we’re gonna be late!” Karkat began to drink his Korean breakfast smoothie, waiting for his sister to get her ass in gear.

And he damn near spits out his drink when he saw her run up to the car. The damn kid was wearing a fucking helmet. A fucking bike helmet. She climbed into the car and looked at him eagerly, “Okay I’m ready let's go!”

Karkat gave her a blank look, “Really? Is the helmet necessary?” 

She smiled innocently at him, “Yeah! Equius said that I need to practice head safety, especially with you driving!” She smirked, showing that she knew she was pushing his buttons.

Giving a resigned sigh Karkat turned back towards the wheel, “I’m not going to tell you what I think you should tell Equius about that little statement. Let's get this fucking over with already, I can already tell today is going to be shit.” And with that, he put the car into drive and headed towards the school. For his first day of junior year, hooray.

School had started late this year, starting mid-September rather than late August, something about a teacher’s strike. This meant that it was not only cold as fuck in the mornings, but it was also wet. Which meant that the roads were wet and fucking hell to drive. Pennsylvania weather will fuck you like that. 

 

————————————————————————————————-

 

The parking lot was already packed when Karkat arrived at the school at what he’d consider a relatively early time. He still had a good forty-five minutes before his first class, but he figured it was just first day jitters or some bullshit like that.

Nepeta hopped out of the car, waving a quick goodbye to Karkat before disappearing in a crowd of middle schoolers. He smiled at her enthusiasm, but it quickly faded as he began walking towards the high school building. Without Terezi by his side, he felt smaller than usual, which was saying something since he only measured up to a whopping five foot four inches. He totally wasn't rounding up, no, fuck you.

He walked through the large doors of the school and began searching the crowds to find his friends. He saw John looking sad by his locker and panicked. He tried to just not look but instead ended up turning around to wave at him. This little action made John smile a little bit, but also made Karkat run into Jade, knocking the books from her arms.

“Watch it!” She barked as she turned to see who had sent her books to the floor, her expression souring when she saw Karkat, “Oh, it’s you. I see you still can’t bother to pay attention to your surroundings”

A quick background on Jade. She had been Karkat’s best friend for years, until seventh grade. Mainly due to her growing popularity and Karkat's lack thereof resulted in them growing apart. They didn’t hate each other, but they definitely didn’t like each other either. Another factor as to why Jade didn’t like him may also be because he kissed her boyfriend in seventh grade.

_“Heya babe,” speak of the fucking devil. Dave fucking Strider leaned down to plant a kiss on her cheek. Remember how Dave had a letter? Yeah, well, after that game of spin the bottle he sort of just kinda stopped talking to you. Not that’d you’d ever been close anyway. You can still remember the kiss so vividly. ___

____

_The empty coke bottle spun around and around, circling the group on the floor its momentum slowly leaving each second. It had been Karkat’s turn to spin the bottle, and he was dreading it. Mainly dreading if it landed on one person. Jade had told him beforehand that all she wanted was to kiss Dave Strider, no one else. Basically, she had called dibs. ___

____

_Karkat wanted to respect her wishes and didn’t want to do that to his friend. But, as the fates would have it, nothing could go right for a certain Karkat Vantas. The bottle slowed its spin, eventually stopping, its opening pointed at the blonde aviator wearing boy in front of you. ___

____

_Karkat looked to Jade in shock, only to see her expression mirroring his. “I, uh, I can respin it?” He asked his friend, not wanting to upset her. He reached for the bottle to respin when Dave spoke up. ___

____

_“Wouldn’t want to cheat the bottle, would ya?” A slight Texas twang in his voice. You swallowed thickly. ___

____

_“I guess not.” And with that, he crawled over the bottle and leaned in towards him. It was quick, over in less than a second. A soft peck on his lips before dave was spinning the bottle for his turn. You could see Jade fuming beside you, but all you cared about was the warm feeling on your lips, left by the blonde named Strider. ___

____

Jade stopped talking to you after that. She got cold, distant. It hurt a fucking lot. Her cutting you off made you grumpy, depressed and made your trust of anyone drop through the floor. You barely let people in after that, the only exception being two idiots you met the following year.

“I’m sure it was an accident, right Vantas? No harm no foul.” Dave tried to calm his girlfriend down, but it seemingly failed.

“I’m sure he meant it in some small way, he doesn’t care for anyone but himself and those two weirdos he calls friends.” She sneers at him, “After All, how could anyone with that cruel a scowl mean anything but malice? Even his hair looks mean with how disheveled it is.” What does that even mean?

Two arms slung around his shoulders, one on each side. To his right was Jade’s distant cousin and one of Karkats best friends, Sollux Captor. To his left was his other best friend Gamzee Makara, resident stoner. Each guy towered over Karkat’s small frame, Sollux standing at 5 foot 10 inches, and Gamzee at a whopping 6 foot 4 inches.

“You know Jade, I think KK only retherveths that scowl for the people who pith him off. Which you definitely do.” He tilted his head to the side, his red and blue glasses reflecting the angry girl.

“Yeah sister, maybe you should back off out Karbro before he really shows you what malice looks like? And mind whose hair you insult when your’s looks like a wet motherfucking dog” Gamzee bent down a little to get on her level, making her bristle in annoyance. Karkat knew Jade was pissy when people were condescending about her height.

“Fine.” Her voice was curt, “I saw people we need to say high to anyway. Come, Dave.” She turned so her hair would hit dave in the face before marching off to find one of her friends. Dave stood there, stoic as ever, before giving Karkat a wave and a smirk. He shoved his hands into his pockets and began to walk after his girlfriend.

Karkat turned to his friends, a small smile on his lips, “Thanks guys, did you really mean all that?” 

Sollux scoffed, “You know KK, it taketh the badath athpect out of the whole thing if you athk about it.” He smiled at him before stopping in front of his locker, “Tho, what do you have firtht thith year KK? GZ and I have Bio together.”

Karkat lets out a groan, “I have Calc, I’m gonna fucking fall asleep and bomb it, I just fucking know it.” He let his head fall against the cold metal of the locker next to Sollux’s

Gamzee spoke up, putting a large hand on Karkat’s shoulder, “Calm down Karbro, you’re going to be just fine motherfucker, trust me.” Gamzee might have been one of the biggest stoners in the whole fucking world, but he was a good friend and managed to cheer Karkat nine times out of ten. Karkat turned to Gamzee, a thankful smile on his lips.

“Thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without guys.” Karkat checked his watch, “Oh shit! I’m gonna be late. I’ll see you two chuckle fucks later. Don’t fucking kill anyone.” With that, he hurried off to room 310 for Calculous with Mrs. Megido.

Three sets of stairs and two long hallways later Karkat arrived at the classroom and took a seat in the back right as the bell rang. He was out of breath from the sudden exertion, but as relieved he wasn’t late. 

Megido was infamous for being one of the most difficult teachers. Not because she taught calc, but because she as a person was just plain infuriating. She’d speak in only Japanese to fuck with students, randomly change due dates just because, and sometimes she had test questions for completely different subjects. Karkat was certain the only reason she wasn’t fired was that her batshit methods actually got students to study to counteract her craziness.

The morning announcements sounded overhead, signaling the time for the moment of silence and pledge of allegiance, honestly, Karkat felt like American high schools were a fucking cult sometimes with all the oath bullshit. Mid pledge, while Mrs. Megido had her back turned, who else but Dave Strider sneaks into the room. And he took the only available seat, right next to Karkat. Oh joy.

Dave gave Karkat a smirk before turning his attention to the front. God, this as going to be a long fucking year.

 

——————————————————————————————————

 

Clac went by fast, and so did his following three classes, Biology, Phys Ed, and English Lit. His day so far wasn’t half bad, until Lunch came around. With Terezi gone, his goto spot on the bleachers was out, mainly because he did not want to see John right now. Panicking slightly, he texted Gamzee and Sollux in the group chat they had.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  twinArmageddons [TA] and  terminallyCapricious [TC] 

[CG]: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO BULGE LICKERS??   
[TA]: calm the fuck down KK.   
[TA]: GZ wanted 2ome fuckiing tacobell 2o here we are. We’ll be back before la2t periiod.   
[CG]: OF FUCKING COURSE THAT CLOWN WOULD WANT SHITTY TACOS FOR LUNCH.   
[CG]: AND THANKS FOR ASKING IF I WANTED TO COME YOU FUCKER. YOU TWO ARE THE SHITTIEST FRIENDS SINCE THOSE FUCKS WHO STABBED CESAR IN THE BACK LIKE THE GRUB FUCKER HE WAS.   
[TA]: Would you have come iif ii a2ked you?   
[CG]: ……..   
[CG]: NO.   
[TA]: that2 what ii thought.   
[TC]: HoNk :o)   
[CG]: DONT HONK AT ME YOU JUGGALO.   
[TC]: :o)   
[CG]: IM FACE PALMING RIGHT NOW. MY HAND IS FIRMLY PLANTED FRONT AND FUCKING CENTER ON MY FOREHEAD AND I THINK ITS PERMANENTLY STUCK THERE DUE TO YOU TWO. SO CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT FEAT.   
[CG]: JUST DON’T FUCKING GET CAUGHT. I DONT NEED TO DEAL WITH YOU TWO GETTING SUSPENDED ON THE FIRST FUCKING DAY.   
[TA]: we won’t don’t worry KK. 2ee you later.   
[CG]: SEE YOU FUCKERS LATER <>   
[TA]: <>   
[TC]: <>   


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  twinArmageddons [TA] and  terminallyCapricious [TC] 

Karkat slipped his phone into his pocket, letting out an annoyed sigh. He looked around the lunchroom one more time to see if there was anyone worth sitting with. 

Short answer, no there wasn’t.

Long answer, while Karkat scanned the room, he saw Jade sitting at a table with Dave, Dirk, Jake, and a goth blonde girl he’d never seen before. And with just his luck, while he was totally not, but also completely was, staring at the table Dave looked over at him.

Karkat felt himself freeze up under the blonde’s gaze. Was he even looking at Karkat? It was fucking impossible to tell with those damn shades on his face. But as Karkat’s cheeks started to heat up, he saw Strider smirk. He fucking smirked. The douchebag.

Karkat quickly turned on his heels and walked right out of the cafeteria, not sparing a second glance at Dave Strider or his fucking posse. Karkat found himself naturally walking towards the bleachers and forced himself to turn around. He didn’t want to face John alone yet. Even though that was stupid. It wasn’t like he was the one that broke his heart.

Karkat found himself at the doors to the library, he stopped momentarily before opening the door. The cool air hit him in the face, and damn did it feel nice. He hadn’t realized just how humid the rest of the school was. He tried to muffle his steps as he made his way over to a table and began to pull out his lunch.

His lunch wasn’t anything impressive, just a ham sandwich, some carrots, and some type of glazed pastry his dad had made last night. Not fantastic, but still better than whatever the fuck the school served. Karkat opened the Ziploc with the carrots and bit into one. In retrospect, doing this was an idiotic choice, but past Karkat seems to always fuck things up now doesn’t he?

The crunch, at that moment, was louder than an atomic bomb. It may as well broken the sound barrier with how fucking loud it was in that room full of quiet students, studying their homework or whatever the fuck they were doing. All eyes were on him, and boy was that an uncomfortable feeling. No sir Karkat didn’t like this one bit.

A girl shooshed him loudly and pointed to a sign on the wall that read “soft foods only.” Yup. That seemed right, ya know, for a library. Karkat nodded meekly and quickly packed his stuff up and left the library. He headed towards the only place he had left to eat lunch peacefully, even though he really didn’t want to. 

 

————————————————————————————————

 

The field was empty except for a few guys throwing a football back and forth. A handful of students lounged on the bleachers, each reading or texting, some even snacking on various foods. None of them looked familiar in any way shape or form, except for one guy on the very bottom stair of the bleachers.

John looked wrecked. There wasn’t really any other way to describe him. He had bags under his normally bright blue eyes, his hair was barely tamed and desperately needed to be brushed. He was clad in an old blue hoodie and was reading that fucking joke book again. 

Karkat cleared his throat when John, who was either ignoring him or too involved in his book, didn’t look at him. Karkat awkwardly shuffled from one foot to another as John’s tired eyes took him in.

“Is, uh, is this seat taken?” Karkat’s voice was small, unsure. John gave a small sigh and then smiled at him. It wasn’t his normal big, goofy grin, but it was something.

“Yeah it is,” Karkat’s eyes widened a fraction and he opened his mouth to stammer out an apology but was cut off when John interrupted him, “It’s taken by you, that is. If you want it.” Karkat gave him a grateful smile and sat down next to him, pulling out his lunch once more.

“Carrot?” Karkat offered the open bag of baby carrots to John, who hesitant at them, “Come on Egbert, they’re not going to fucking bite you. Who knows, they might help fix your fucking terrible eyesight.”

That got a snort out of John, who took then took a carrot from the bag and nibbled on it. No seriously, he ate it like a fucking rabbit. The fucking dork. John seemed to relax after that, his normal smile beginning to ghost his face again.

The two of them sit like that for a few minutes, simply enjoying each others company. It’s nice, even with the pesky butterflies that settled in the pit of his stomach. Karkat notices that they aren’t as strong, and smiles slightly at the fact that maybe, just maybe, he was getting over this dumb crush.

John breaks their comfortable silence, “Did you know she was gonna do that?” His voice is small, and his eyes downcast at the sidewalk.

“No, I didn’t. That was just as much a shock to the rest of us as it was to you.” Karkat bites his lip, hoping that the topic of Terezi will pass soon. He’s never been very good at helping people with broken hearts.

John gives a small nod and turns to him, “We’re still cool right?” 

Karkat scoffs at him, “Of fucking course, we’re still cool you dork.” Karkat holds up a fist, and John thankfully bumps his own fist against it. He smiles at Karkat and they fall back into their normal banter, a tension hung in the air, but Karkat couldn’t figure out from what.

————————————————————————————————-

 

Karkat’s day passed quickly after lunch. He waved to John whenever he saw him in the hallway, and the day was starting to feel a hell of a lot less awkward. Sollux and Gamzee were back by last period, if only barely. The fuckers had decided to go back to Gamzee’s apartment and play Mario Kart instead of going to fifth through seventh period.

Karkat shared two more classes with one resident douchebag Dave Strider, fucking Music ed and Drawing. Both of which came as a surprise because he did not peg Strider as “patron of the arts”. Especially because all he did was make his dumb ass metaphors and sarcastic jokes. 

At one point, the assmunch managed to compare Music theory to a fucking bake sale? At least that's what Karkat got from it. There was something about baking and “selling ill beats.” The metaphor was confusing and made absolutely no sense, and Karkat thinks some of his brain cells died listening to the absolute bullshit that spewed from the blonde’s mouth.

Needless to say, Karkat damn near ran from class when the bell that signals the end of classes rang out. He found Sollux and Gamzee waiting by the entrance to the student parking lot chatting idly about some bullshit or another.

“You two are fucking assholes, you know that? Complete and utter assholes. All cause you wanted shitty Tacos, un-fucking-believable.” Karkat ranted as he neared his friends. 

Sollux raised an eyebrow above his multicolored shades, “Come on KK, we already had thith talk. You wouldn’t have come even if I athked. Tho thtop being thuch a bitch about it.” He smirked at Karkat, knowing he was getting under the albino’s skin.

“Shut the fuck up you 3D movie fucker,” Karkat crossed his arms and slouched in on himself, glaring at his friends, “See if I let you play my new copy of the Cyberpunk 2077 when it comes out. Or any game, ever, you fuck.”

Sollux shrugged, smirk still glued to his face. Gamzee laid a long arm around Karkat’s shoulders, “Aw come on Karbro, it was just some Tacos. And we’ll bring you next time my brother, that's a motherfucking promise.”

Karkat half-heartedly tried to shrug the tall boy’s arm off his shoulders, “I don’t want cheap tacos you fucking twat. It’s a fucking miracle you two didn’t get caught.” He immediately cringes at his choice of words.

Gamzee squeezes his shoulder, “Motherfucking miracles man. Mother. Fucking. Miracles.” Karkat sighs, but gives his friends a smile anyways.

“Okay you fucks, I’ll see you tomorrow. I gotta drive Nep and I home.” Sollux actually chokes on the mountain dew he was drinking when you say this, before doubling over in laughter.

“Ehehehehe, Holy thit, you actually fucking drove here? Without killing thousandth of innothents? That’th the funnietht fucking thing I’ve heard all week, tho thank you KK.” Sollux, still laughing and clutching his side manages to get out in between breaths.

“Yes you fucker, I fucking drove here! You fucking piece of shit, I hope you choke on your mountain dew and die of shitty sugar water induced pneumonia!” Karkat broke free of Gamzee’s grasp and marched off in the direction of the student parking lot where his piece of shit car was parked.

“Don’t kill anyone on your way home!” Sollux yells after him, his laugh, it's more like a fucking cackle really, or if someone's lawn mower was jammed with a cat, ringing out. Karkat turns around and gives him the double bird salute before angrily walking off to find Nepeta.

That was his plan anyway. While flipping Sollux off Karkat once again managed to run into someone. But instead of them falling or dropping anything, Karkat was the one who was going to end up on his ass. He trips on the person’s shitty red converse and falls backward, fully expecting to fall flat on his ass. He closes his eyes in anticipation but quickly realizes that he isn't falling, or landing on his ass. Instead, he distinctly feels two arms around him, one holding his middle and the other on his left bicep.

Karkat’s eyes snap open, only to see that he was face to face with none other than Dave fucking Strider. As if this whole situation couldn’t get any worse, the asshole has the gall to actually smirk at him before opening his obnoxiously pretty mouth.

“Now KitKat, I didn’t expect for you to fall for me so suddenly. I am a taken man after all.” Karkat’s face flushed a bright red. He managed to regain his footing and break free from Strider’s arms. 

“Don’t call me that, and fuck off you insufferable douche.” Karkat managed to spit out before almost running to his car. Karkat could here Sollux cackling harder in the distance and made a mental note to fuck with him the next time he was trying to hit on Aradia or Feferi. Asshole.

The walk was short, and Karkat’s face was still burning when he reached his red Mazda. He dug around in his backpack to find his keys, getting lost in his thought while he did. 

Who the fuck did Strider think he was? He had no fucking right to look so pretty and be so smooth all the fucking time. The shades-wearing douche. With his sharp jaw that could fucking cut glass, His fucking tan skin that looked soft and flawless. And his dumb ass fucking hipster haircut with its fucking light as can be blonde coloring. Not to mention his fucking pretty lips, they looked soft and tantalizing when he gave Karkat that dumb fucking smirk. God, he just wants to-

“Karkat?” Nepeta’s voice startled Karkat out of his thoughts, she also caused him to jump out of his fucking skin, dropping his keys and letting out a squeak at the same time. Karkat clutched at his chest as if trying to still his heart beat.

“Jesus fucking Christ Nep, you need a fucking bell holy shit. You damn near gave me a heart attack, not to fucking mention interrupted my train of thought about-“ Karkat stopped talking almost immediately upon realizing what he had been thinking about. His face regaining the red flush he’d become oh so fucking acquainted with today.

“Thinking about what?” Nepeta asked, picking up the car keys and handing them to Karkat, her shaped dark brow arched in a question.

“H-homework. Nothing actually important. Give me those and get in the fucking car.” He snatched the keys from her hands and climbed into the driver’s seat, throwing his backpack into the back seats. He sighed out a long breath and laid his head against the wheel trying to regain his senses.

Nepeta climbed into the passenger side seat and buckled up her belt, she then reaches onto the floor for her discarded helmet and fixes it to her head. She gives Karkat an innocent smile and begins to talk about her day. Karkat half listens as he starts the car and throws it into reverse, muttering a soft “yeah, uh-huh.” And “oh, nice” while she talked.

He glances at his rearview mirror briefly before beginning to back up, still only half listening to Nep. Right as he hits the gas, just a little too rough to be honest, he hears someone smack the back of his car and say a rather loud “woah”. Karkat slams the break and stares straight ahead, even as the person he almost hit comes to his window and taps his glass.

And the world must really fucking hate him because who else would he almost run over except Dave motherfucking Strider. Karkat lowers his window, allowing Dave to lean into his car slightly before he begins talking to Karkat.

“You know, people usually check their mirrors or turn around when they’re backing up.” Karkat, still not looking at the boy in his car window gives a stiff nod.

“Yeah, I’m just, uh, not super comfortable with my mirrors yet? So, uh, yeah.” His face, if it was even fucking possible at this point, grows even hotter than it already was. He must look like a fucking tomato at this point, Jesus. 

Dave gives a small chuckle, “Well, KitKat, maybe you should practice a bit more yeah?” He looks over at Nepeta who was holding in a laugh, “She’s got the right idea with you at the wheel. You're in charge, okay little Kat?” 

Nepeta nodded and giggled a little, “I like him.” She states matter-of-factly. Dave smiles, not full but more than his normal annoying smirk.

“See ya tomorrow Kat, don’t kill anyone on your way home. And use your mirrors.” Dave then turns on his heel, his messenger bag bouncing off his hip with each step. Karkat slowly rolls his window up before slouching as deep into his seat as he possibly could.

“Who was that?” Nepeta asks with a smile.

“Dave Strider.” Karkat answers with a small voice. Thoroughly embarrassed beyond belief. You know how in the Sims your sim can die of embarrassment? Yeah, that’s where Karkat was at right now. He’d welcome death with open fucking arms if only to escape the myriad of feelings swirling around in his gut.

“Are we going to leave soon?” Nepeta asks after two minutes of silence and Karkat stewing in his own emotions.

“No.” Karkat answered, his voice hoarse, “We are waiting until every other fucking car has left before I even think about moving.” His passenger lets out a long groan at this and begins to text her friends. In actuality, he only waits about five minutes before he manages to will himself to drive him and his sister home.

Gog, this was going to be a long fucking year if this is how his life is going to go on a daily basis. Karkat was already counting the days until Terezi came home.

 

———————————————————————————————-

 

The rest of Karkat’s week passed without any real incident. Dave continued to spew bullshit metaphors in every class they shared, except on Thursday. He was damn near silent on Thursday. Karkat later learned from Sollux that it was because Jade broke up with him for a college guy who had a bunch of birds or some shit like that. Karkat actually felt bad for the guy too, it must fucking suck to play second fiddle to someone you’ve been dating for two years.

Don’t get him wrong, Karkat didn’t give two shits about Strider. No really, he did not give one single fuck about the pretty blonde who always sat next to him and-

NOPE. STOP RIGHT THERE FUCKER. THESE THOUGHTS ARE NO LONGER VALID, YOU ARE NOT VALID, THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

Karkat let out a long sigh and tried to focus on what Blanche was saying, thankful that the angry voice in his head managed to derail his thoughts.

It was currently Friday night, and while most of his peers were probably having fun or something, he was lounging on his couch with Nepeta eating popcorn and watching Golden Girls. When Terezi was still here they’d watch romcoms together, or whatever shitty movie John had brought over. No matter the movie Terezi would make fun of it nonstop. But Karkat genuinely enjoyed the romantic comedies and their cliche plot lines.

Karkat let out a soft chuckle as the ladies on screen talking about past boyfriends. Only having his attention diverted when Nepeta, who had been resting on the ottoman extension of the sofa, turned to him and asked a question that he hadn’t really been expecting.

“Karkat, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” The question catches him off guard, but before he can open his mouth to respond Nepeta continues, “Not just that. You never do anything, with anyone. Why?”

Karkat swallows thickly before responding, “Well, Nep, I enjoy this bonding time with you and I wouldn’t want to put trivial high school gatherings above you on the scale of importance.” 

“Karkat,” her voice sounding a little resigned, “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset you. But I had to cancel plans tonight to do this, and I’m in seventh grade.” Karkat blanches at this, his mouth suddenly drying.

“I just, don’t need a boyfriend right now, okay?” Karkat set his lips in a tight line, hoping Nepeta would drop the subject. She doesn’t.

“What about that boy from earlier this week? He seemed to like you, I mean, you almost ran him over and he still flirted with you.” A small smile on her lips as she asked. She had moved from her original position and was now laying on her stomach with feet in the air and head in her hands, staring expectantly at Karkat.

“No, Nep. I couldn’t date Dave. I just don’t want a boyfriend okay? Or anyone for that matter.” Nepeta dropped the subject after that, which Karkat would have almost considered suspicious if he wasn’t suddenly so fucking tired. He felt like a truck full of emotional exertion just hit him straight into the fucking head.

Karkat lied down on the couch, spooning one of the pillows, and resumed watching the temporarily forgotten television show. His mind tried to wander back to Strider, but Karkat pushed those thoughts into the abyss of his mind, hoping to be forgotten.

He passed out thirty minutes later, a soft snore emanating from his mouth as he dreamt. He wouldn’t remember his dream in the morning, not much of I anyway. What he would remember was that he was swept off his feet in a waltz by a tall, blonde stranger with a charming smile. And a voice in the back of his head would scream the identity, but Karkat would choose to ignore it for the favor of blissful ignorance.

 

————————————————————————————————-

 

As soon as Nepeta heard her brother’s soft snoring she sprung into action. As quietly as she could manage, she snuck over to the back of the couch Karkat was asleep on. She waved her hand in front of his eyes, testing to see if he was really down and out for the count. 

He was. That boy slept like a bear in the middle of winter. Nepeta wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t wake up during an earthquake. 

Nepeta then snuck up the stairs into Karkat’s room, cringing slightly at the mess that covered his floor. He seriously needed to clean. She shook her head to refocus herself and made a B-line towards the closet. 

She flicked on the light switch and scanned the sea of fluffy sweaters and t-shirts, all a neutral color, or a deep color such as navy or burgundy. Nepeta only had to look for a total of ten, maybe fifteen seconds, before she found what she was looking for. There, perched upon the very top shelf of the walk-in closet was a red satin covered box with a matching ribbon bow on top.

Nepeta bit her lip, contemplating what she was doing. She wanted to help Karkat, she really really did. But she also knew he’d be upset if the letters ever got out. No, she needed to do this, for his own good. 

She opened the box and saw five letters, she didn’t pay attention to the names really, only looking for the letter she’d known Karkat had written to Dave. She’d seen it a while ago. Karkat was terribly forgetful and left the box out more often than not. Nepeta had found it when Karkat request she gets the book off his floor next to his bed. She was a curious kitten after all, so of course, she looked in the box when she found it placed oh so innocently right next to the book. Maybe not right next to it, the box had been haphazardly shoved halfway under the bed.

When she finally found the letter to Dave she smiled and moved to put the lid back on the box, but she stopped. Five chances were much better than one. And who was she to deny her brother as many chances as possible? Nepeta grabbed the whole box and fled into her room, she had a bunch of stamps left over from when she had a pen pal, Tavros a high school junior who lived in California.

Carefully, she put a stamp on each letter and sealed them. Karkat had already put addresses on them, so he must have some part of himself that wants them to be sent. Or at least that's what Nepeta told herself to feel better. She then shoved the red box under her bed and gathered up the letters in her hands.

As quietly as possible, Nepeta traveled down the stairs and out the front door, tiptoeing the whole way. As soon as she was outside she ran to the mailbox at the end of their slightly long driveway. Before she could chicken out, she shoved the letters in the box and flipped up the red flag to signal there was mail to be taken.

She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding as soon as she was back inside with the front door closed. She made up in her mind right then, the story for how the letters got ou was that the box was thrown in with the donation stuff. Because if Karkat ever found out what she did, Nepeta was pretty sure she wouldn’t live to see eighth grade.


	2. The Human Excrement Splatters Against the Wind Mover.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat's world gets fucked, Jegus help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said I'd have this out soon, and it's still soonish. But college happened. So for the future, I'm going to try to update at least once a week, but that's a very loose try.

Karkat woke up on Saturday with a crick in his neck and a sharp pain in his lower back. “Fuck.” He groaned as he sat up, running a hand through his bed head. Why the fuck was he on the couch? Oh, right, he’d been watching Golden Girls with Nep and he must’ve passed out. Oh well.

Karkat yawned and raised his arms above his head in a long stretch. He was going to be feeling the couch pains for at least two days, probably more knowing his luck. 

“Good morning, sunshine. Did you have a nice night sleeping on the couch?” His father asked from the kitchen where he was preparing a small breakfast before he would inevitably get the call to come in and deliver a baby.

“No, for your information, I did not. I guess Nepeta just didn’t wake me up. Or if she tried I just didn’t budge.” Karkat says as he tries to remove some of the plaque off his teeth with his tongue. He needed to brush his teeth and shower.

“Well,” his dad started, “lucky for you, you have two days to sleep off all those aches you probably have. Because lord knows that is not a comfortable couch to sleep on.” He finished speaking with a little chuckle.

Karkat rolled his neck, trying to loosen his joints, “I’m going to go shower, I need it. Holy shit.” He then trudged his way up to his bathroom and proceeded to take the longest shower of his fucking life. 

The warm water was a godsend for his muscles, helping loosen and soothe while also relaxing him. He just stood in the stream of water for a solid five minutes before realizing he should actually clean himself.

He grabbed the body wash and loofah, exfoliating was important and he didn’t like to smell like generic soap okay? The soap was a mix of vanilla, musk, and mint. It wasn’t a feminine scent, but it also wasn’t a douche masculine scent like Axe. Karkat thought it was perfect for him. He then quickly shampooed and conditioned his hair, getting it clean enough that he could dye it without an issue. Karkat then quickly turned off the shower and began to towel off, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

Terezi had been right that his roots were growing in fast. Karkat had been dying his hair black since middle school. He remembered coming home crying because a kid had called him a freak for his ruby eyes and white hair. He’d never seen anything wrong in the way he looked, up until that day he’d enjoyed his uniqueness. But that was the catalyst for a long line of bullying. After coming home in ears yet again, his mother had taken him to the beauty store to get some hair dye. And ordered colored contacts for him. He’d chosen black. It was also unnatural, but it wasn’t shunned by society like albinos apparently were.

He’d been dying his hair and eyebrows ever since. Terezi had tried to get him to dye it “fun colors” like red and green, but he was already considered emo, he didn’t need to look like a scene kid reject too. Karkat checked underneath the sink to see if he had any unused dye left, thankfully he did. He really was not up to driving right now.

Karkat began mixing the required shit to actually make the dye useful, his mind wandering back to what Nepeta had said last night. Why didn’t he have a boyfriend?

Because you never let anyone in. Because no one wants to let you in. Because you’re undesirable.

A voice in the back of his head spoke up, speaking a mix of truth and lies. Karkat sighed and snapped on the reusable glove, forcing his thoughts out of his mind, and began to dye his hair. The black goop covering his roots quickly and easily. He barely needed to think when he dyed his hair, it was basically muscle memory at this point.

And that is why he once again found his thoughts wandering. At first, it was about what Nepeta had said, but he quickly changed tracks when he found those thoughts to be depressing. Next, his thoughts meandered onto focusing on Terezi and how she was doing. He hadn’t really talked to her since she left. They’d skyped when she’d landed and met up with Vriska, but that was about it. With the time difference and her adjusting to college, there just really hadn’t been time.

Karkat used up the last of the dye right as he covered the last spot of snow white hair. This was probably the first strike of luck he’d had in a while. And it might’ve only been hairdye, but still, learn to count the little fucking victories. He now had about twenty minutes to kill before he could wash the dye out. 

Karkat walked back to his room and sat on his bed, careful not to let anything touch his head. Hair Dye stains were the absolute fucking worst. He’s ruined a fair number of shirts because he was careless with the dye. 

Karkat reached over to his bedside table to grab his phone, seeing that he had a few messages from Sollux and Gamzee, and one from Terezi. He decided to see what his idiot friends had wanted first.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  and  terminallyCapricious [TC] 

[TA]: hey fucker2   
[TA]: gue22 who ju2t got a date wiith AA   
[TC]: CoNgRaTs My BrOtHeR   
[TC]: ThIs Is A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE   
[TA]: thank2 GZ. That2 totally not a blow two my ego.   
[TC]: :o)   
[TA]: anyway that2 all ii wanted two 2ay.   


twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  and  terminallyCapricious [TC] 

Karkat smiled softly at his phone. He knew how much Sollux had been wanting to go out with Aradia since, like, the seventh grade. He didn’t know how long it would last, but he was happy for his friend. Karkat then went to check the message he’d gotten from Terezi.

gallowsCalibrator [GC]  began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

[TC]: K4RK4T!!!   
[TC]: HOW 1S MY F4VOR1T3 L1TTL3 BROTH3R?   
[TC]: K4RK4T 4NSW3R M3 >:(   
[CG]: I WAS ASLEEP YOU BLITHERING EXCUSE FOR A SIBLING   
[CG]: BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION I AM IN FACT OKAY. SCHOOL IS FULL OF INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLES AND DOUCHEBAGS BUT MY SHIT EXCUSE FOR FRIENDS SOLLUX AND GAMZEE ARE THERE SO I GUESS ITS NOT ALL BAD.   
[TC]: TH3R3 YOU 4R3   
[TC]: 1TS RUD3 TO K33P 4 L4DY W41TING YOU KNOW >:(   
[TC]: BUT 1TS GOOD TO KNOW YOUR3 DO1NG W3LL!!   
[CG]:HOW UH   
[TC]: HOW 1S JOHN DO1NG?   
Karkat blanked on how to answer that question. He had to tread carefully.

[CG]: HES HANDELING IT ABOUT AS WELL AS A PERSON CAN I SUPPOSE. HES SAD AS FUCK AND MOPEY AND I WISH HED JUST STOP BECAUSE ITS FUCKING ANNOYING TO BE AROUND. BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY HES FEELING THAT WAY   
[CG]: HES GOING TO BE OKAY HE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. SOON THAT FUCKER WILL BE BACK TO WATCHING NICK CAGE MOVIES AND DENYING THAT HE WANTS TO SUCK HIS DICK   
[TC]: TH4TS…. GOOD. 1M GL4D H3S OK4Y. 1 M4Y NOT B3 DAT1NG H1M 4NYMOR3 BUT 1 ST1LL C4R3 4BOUT H1M YOU KNOW?   
[CG]: I KNOW SIS.   
[CG]: ENOUGH OF THIS SAD BULLSHIT.   
[CG]: HOWS SCOTLAND? HOWS THE PSYCHO SPIDER BITCH?   
[TC]: H3H3H3H3 1 FORGOT YOU C4LL H3R TH4T   
[TC]: 1TS R34LLY GOOD SO F4R!! VR1SK4 1S JUST AS FUN AS 1 R3M3MB3R. 1TS 4LSO L3G4L TO DR1NK H3R3 SO W3V3 B33N GO1NG TO PUBS AND SH1T TOO.   
[CG]: YOU FUCKING DRINK? WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK? YOU REFUSED TO TAKE EVEN A FUCKING MILLIlITER OVER THE INSTRUCTED DOSE OF NIGHTQUILL BECAUSE IT WAS, AND I FUCKING QUOTE, “AGAINST THE RULES”   
[TC]: L1K3 1 S41D, 1TS L3G4L H3R3 SO 1M NOT T3CHNIC4LLY BR34KING TH3 L4W. 1M 4 L4W 4B1D1NG C1T1Z3N K4RK4T   
[CG]: WHATEVER, JUST BE FUCKING RESPONSIBLE OKAY? I DON’T WANT TO GET A CALL FROM VRISKA IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT CAUSE YOU DRANK YOURSELF SO FAR UNDER THE TABLE THAT EVEN THE FUCKING MOLE PEOPLE COULDN’T GET TO YOU   
[TC]: 1 W1LL B3 DON'T WORRY L1L BRO >;)   
[CG]: ILL FUCKING TALK TO YOU LATER I NEED TO WASH THIS FUCKING DYE OUT OF MY HAIR BEFORE IT ROTS MY BRAIN AWAY AND I TUN INTO A FUCKING ALBINO ZOMBI.   
[CG]: I LOVE YOU BE SAFE YOU FUCKING PHSYCO   
[TC]: LOV3 YOU TOO K4RKL3S <3   
[CG]: <3   


gallowsCalibrator [GC]  ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

Karkat left his phone on his bed and went to the bathroom to wash the dye out of his hair. After the twenty fiveish minutes he’d let the dye sit it’d darkened, if that was even fucking possible, and become a tad bit thicker.

He turned the water on and watched as the water spilled out of the tub faucet he only needed to wait a few seconds before it was warm enough to wash his hair. He stuck his head under the flow of the water and watched as the clear water turned a deep grey from the dye. He washed his hair with shampoo, making sure to scrub at his roots well.

He quickly washed the soap out of his hair and toweled off, making his hair look like a birds nest. Karkat looked in the mirror quickly, checking to see if he’d missed any spots. He smiled at himself when he deemed his hair good enough and returned to his room. He snuggled under his covers and grabbed his nearby romance novel. 

Karkat decided that this weekend was going to be a lazy weekend, where he just sleeps and reads his novels. His cat, who he had named Mayor, (it was a long story that he didn’t want to get into right now) hopped up on his bed and laid in his lap. The brown and cream colored Mainecoon already falling asleep. Karkat ran a hand down his soft fur and smiled, this was definitely going to be a good weekend.

 

—————————————————————————————————-

 

Karkat’s relaxing weekend, which had been a long weekend due to the fact that Monday was an in-service day for teachers, was probably why he was in such a good mood come Tuesday. He arrived in calc, walking in on Ms. Megido ranting in a mixture of Japanese and English. Karkat was able to hear something about “Weeaboo trash and Pop-tarts.” The kid she was ranting too looked absolutely terrified. Karkat was glad he wasn’t in their shoes.

Class went by quickly, mainly without anything of note. Strider kept giving him heavy waves of nervous energy and was tapping his fingers on his desk while bouncing his leg restlessly. Karkat figured he was nervous about something, but he also didn’t care enough to figure out what exactly that was.

When the bell rang Karkat noticed that Strider hung back next to him, not saying anything but also seemingly staring at Karkat. He couldn’t tell with those fucking shades. Right as Karkat turned to leave, Strider began talking.

“Hey, uh Karkat can I talk to you?” His voice was level and his face was stoic, but Karkat could hear the undertone of anxiety in his voice.

“I’d love to indulge in whatever bullshit metaphors you’re about to let spew from the shithole that is your mouth, but I’m going to be late if I don’t leave now.” Karkat readjusted his backpack and walked out of the room. Strider called after him.

“Yo, what class do you have next?” Karkat didn’t see why that was important but told him anyway.

“Bio then phys ed.” Karkat called over his shoulder before hunching in on himself to avoid being shoved by the surrounding crowds. He wondered what the fuck was so important that Dave Strider needed to talk to him since they hadn’t fucking talked in years.

Karkat quickly forgot all about Strider as his day went on. Biology was boring as fuck, but he managed to think of some new ideas for his writing project while zoning out. So that was a plus he supposed. He jumped when the bell rang, snapping him out of his thoughts. He packed up his shit and went to phys ed which was one of the only classes he shared with Sollux.

He quickly changed into his shitty gym clothes and went out into the gymnasium to await his teacher’s bullshit instructions for the day. All he’d hoped was that they didn’t have to play some bullshit game like bocce. He was grateful when his teacher announced that they’d be walking the track. It was still shitty, but at least this way he and Sollux could talk bullshit while they walked.

The weather outside was actually pretty pleasant, not too hot or humid, so Karkat wouldn’t be too gross afterward. He and Sollux talked idly about shit that was happening in their lives while they walked around the track. Mainly Sollux’s date with Aradia.

“It wath fucking amathing KK. The wath tho cool with everything. Like, the didn’t want to go anywhere fanthy or thit like that. The’s tho fucking cool KK. I can't believe the actually thaid yeth.” Sollux gushed. Karkat put on an annoyed expression but was actually happy for his friend. He was about to insult the brunette when suddenly, Dave fucking Strider grabbed his shoulder.

He looked down at Karkat’s small frame and then to Sollux who was arching a brow in his direction. The blonde cleared his throat before talking, voice and face as stoic as ever.

“I need to talk to Karkat.” He continued when Sollux showed no sign of movement, “You know, alone? Privately? Mono a mono? Between just Karkat and-“ 

Sollux cut him off with a raise of his hand, “Fine, whatever.” He looked over at Karkat, “If you need me, I’ll be iin the nurtheth offithe with a migraine.” And with that, he turned and left.

Karkat turned his attention back to Dave, “So, assfucker, what the fuck was so important that you needed to talk to me right this fucking second.” He crossed his arms and gave Strider an annoyed look.

“Well, I needed to talk to you this morning but you ignored me like you were a terrible mom and I was your crying baby, man. I couldn’t get your attention if I had a flashing neon sign on my forehead with the words ‘Karkat talk to me’. Like shit man.” Strider’s signature word vomit spewed from his mouth.

“Strider, just what the fuck do you want?” His teacher was going to get on his ass soon if he didn’t get back to walking. Not that he cared, he just didn’t really want to deal with that kind of trivial bullshit.

“Well, uh, I just wanted to say that, while this was really sweet and everything I can’t really return the feelings? You know I just got out of that relationship with Jade and it’s still pretty fresh so,” what the fuck? “I’m flattered, you got me all up and feeling like some kind of knight or some shit. And that kiss was hot. You know, as hot as a seventh-grade kiss can be you know? There wasn’t any tongue but I can see you still got charmed by the ol’ Strider moves.”

What. T-the kiss? Karkat looks around confused, trying to see if there are any cameras or boom mics to show he's on Pranked. That's when he sees it. Therein Dave’s hand was his letter. Dave’s name and address is written as neatly as he could make it. How did he have that? How the absolute fucking shit did he have that letter? Before his brain could ask any more questions, Karkat Vantas feints.

“Oh shit, hey.” He distantly hears Dave say as blackness engulfs him momentarily. Karkat feels the shitty rubber of the track as his body crumples to the ground, his brain giving the fuck up for a second.

He manages to open his eyes after a few seconds, seeing Dave kneeling above him. His eyebrows were raised in concern as he studied Karkat’s face.

“You okay there, Vantas?” His smooth Texan drawl calming Karkat’s nerves temporarily. Karkat gives Dave a small apologetic smile.

“Yeah, I’m good. That was just, a real fucking shock to my system is all. That letter was never supposed to fucking reach your hands, so, uh, yeah.” Karkat’s face was flushed pink as he sat up on his elbows. Dave gave him a smirk and began to say something, but Karkat wasn’t listening.

How the everloving fuck did Dave get that fucking letter? No one knew about them except for Karkat. And if Dave got his does that mean that the others got mailed out too? Karkat paled at that sudden realization, a tight knot forming in his stomach when he turned his head and saw John walking towards the track, a familiar looking letter in his hand.

“Oh for fuck's sake.” Karkat looked up at Dave, who had stopped his rambling at Karkat’s outburst, brow arched. Karkat needed John to know that he didn’t like him, or make him think that Karkat didn’t like him. And in those split seconds, Karkat came up with an idea that was completely fucking wild.

Karkat flipped his and Dave’s position so that he was now straddling Dave’s waist. Normally Karkat doesn’t think he could move Dave an inch, but the element of surprise had his back. Karkat looked down at a surprised Dave, his mouth slightly agape as he stared up at Karkat. Karkat looked over to see John getting dangerously close, so he initiated his plan.

Quickly, Karkat grabbed a fistful of Strider’s red and white baseball shirt and pulled him up to Karkat’s level. And then he kissed him. It wasn’t a fabulous kiss, not at all. He could feel Dave go rigid with surprise underneath him, but Karkat continued to kiss him until he heard his teacher yell.

“HEY VANTAS, STOP THAT AND TAKE TWO MORE LAPS RIGHT THIS INSTANT OR I'LL GIVE YOU A DETENTION!” Karkat took that as his cue. He let Strider’s shirt go and the blonde fell onto his back, mouth still agape and cheeks flushed a very slight red.

Karkat nodded at his teacher and moved to get off of Dave, saying a small “Sorry, and thanks I guess.” Karkat then took off sprinting up the hill, passing a shocked John on his way. Karkat didn’t stop running until he’d reached the boy’s restroom and locked himself in a stall.

Karkat felt the panic attack start to set in, oh dear god in heaven what the fuck was he going to do? Before the panic could fully set in, he heard the door open. A vaguely British voice calling into the bathroom.

“Karkat? Are you in here?” It was Kanaya. They haven't spoken since freshman year homecoming. Karkat still remembered their awkward as fuck conversation and dance.

 

A small, anxious Karkat stood in the corner of the gym, trying to work up the nerves to ask Kanaya Maryam to dance. She was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, she was always so well dressed, and her makeup was always beautiful. 

She was currently sitting on a bench a few feet away from him, fixing up her hair in a small green compact mirror. Taking a deep breath, Karkat walked over to her.

“Hey, Kanaya.” God he hoped he didn’t sound as awkward as he felt. She looked up from her compact and smiled a perfect smile.

“Oh Karkat! Hello, I hope you are enjoying tonight's festivities?” Her accent was just the smallest bit British. Karkat smiled back at her.

“Yeah, it sure is something.” They fell into a slight lull in the conversation as Kanaya fixed her lipstick, “I like your dress.” Karat said, trying to fill the awkward silence.

Kanaya perked up almost instantly, “Oh thank you! I made it myself, with a little help from my sister Porrim.” Her dress was floor length with an emerald green silk skirt that had a slit down one side. The bodice was a sweetheart neckline made of a soft looking black fabric. It looked absolutely stunning, and fit her perfectly.

Karkat was a bit taken aback by that fact that all he could stutter out was a surprise, “Oh wow. That's so cool.” Did she smile at the compliment? At least Karkat hopes it came across as a compliment. “Would you like to dance?” Karkat’s voice was rushed and he flushed a deep pink, that hopefully wasn’t too noticeable in the dim lighting of the gym.

Kanaya looked at him for a second before standing and offering him her hand, “I would love to dance.” Her voice was soft and kind. Karkat quickly lead her into what was probably the worst dance of her life, but he remembered her smile and laugh as he made a fool of himself on the dance floor.

 

Karkat held his breath in the stall, answering with a quick “No?” Before he heard the soft click of heels on linoleum flooring stopping right in front of his stall. A delicate hand slipped a familiar envelope under the door.

“I thought you’d like to have that back. It seems rather, uh, personal.” Karkat sighed and picked up the letter, and then slowly opened the door a flush hot on his cheeks as he looked up at Kanaya with an almost ashamed expression on his face.

“Thanks.” He gave her a slight smile and stepped out of the stall. Running his hands over his face

Kanaya smiled at him, in a way that felt almost motherly, “I remember that dance you know. It was freshman year homecoming, correct? You wore a red button-up with a bowtie that I believe had small crabs on it?”

“Yeah,” Karkat said with a small laugh, “It did have crabs on it. And, uh, look. I just want you to know that I wrote this letter years ago and that those feelings are long gone. You were never actually supposed to see that letter. I guess some cruel force of fate just really wants to fuck me over.”

Kanaya put a hand on his shoulder, “I assumed that was the case, after all, I’m sure you know I’m a lesbian, yes?” How could be fucking not? She and her girlfriend were the fucking iconic couple of the school. No one could beat the raw big dick energy of the fashion queen and the fucking resident witch. 

“Yeah, of course, I know that. And I’m fucking gay as hell, so same fucking hat. This is why you were never fucking supposed to see it. Because it's not only so irrelevant that it might as well be the first contestant evicted on some stupid competition show like fucking Big Brother, but it is also so fucking embarrassing for me to live through.” Karkat was beginning to skip the ‘panic’ stage and go straight into the ‘be so pissed of you might have a coronary’ stage.

Kanaya gave him one more small smile, “Well, your secret is safe with me. Now, I believe you should go back to the locker room and change before you’re late for next period.” Karkat nodded and began to walk away when she called out for him once more. “Oh, Karkat! Here’s my chum handle, in case you ever need someone to talk to about this. I’ve figured out that there are at least to other letters you sent and that you may need to talk to someone who’d understand.” She then handed him a small folded piece of paper.

Karkat gave her a grateful smile, “Thank you Kanaya.” He pocketed the small slip of paper before running back down to the men’s locker room to change.

 

—————————————————————————————————

 

Surprisingly, nothing else of note really happened that day. Strider gave him a few stoic glances, or he at least looked in Karkat’s direction. But the blonde douche made no effort to really talk to him about what had happened.

Karkat had also been able to avoid John. He managed to sneak onto the bus before John could find him. And he let out a sigh when he saw John begin walking over to his car to drive home. Today needed to be over and have never existed in any timeline anywhere.

The bus ride home was agonizingly slow. Nepeta, who was seated next to you, chatted happily about her day with a few complaints sprinkled in about how she hated the bus. Karkat wasn’t listening, he could only think about his box and how those letters got out. 

As soon as the bus stopped in front of his house and opened its shitty doors, Karkat was running to get into his house. He fumbled with his keys, only to find the door was already unlocked. He rushed in, only barely registering his father in the kitchen, and sprinted up the stairs.

Karkat could hear his father yell something about “asking why he was home.” But Karkat didn’t really give two shits right now. He barged into his room like a fucking WWE wrestler making his entrance to the arena, he then ran into his closet, hastily flipping on the light and looking here his box should be.

It was, big fucking surprise, gone.

Karkat let out a long stream of ‘fucks’ that progressively got louder, “Oh fuck, fuck fuck fuCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!” He fell to his knees and held his head in his hands. Where the fuck had it gone? Karkat rushed down the stairs, stopping on the last step and staring wide-eyed at his father and sister before beginning to ramble, “Have either of you seen a red satin box with a bow on top? It’s really fucking important mom gave it to me and I need it now or so help me jegus.”

His father raised a bushy dark brown brow, “I’m sorry bud, I can’t say I have. Maybe it got thrown out while we were packing and cleaning Terezi’s room.” Karkat paled, that wasn’t possible, right? He’d put it back before cleaning his room.

Right?

Karkat turned to look at his sister, who was sitting on the couch, probably texting Equius, “Nep, have you seen the box? Please fuck say you know where it is.” He was close to tears now, he was still in denial over it being gone. This all just had to be a bad dream. Gog let it be a dream.

She turned to look at him and frowned, “I’m sorry Karkat, I don’t know where it is.” Karkat felt the first tear spill onto his cheek, and his body physically deflate. He quickly turned and fled back up the stairs and into his room. This wasn’t a dream, this was reality. A really fucked up reality that wanted to see him tortured at every twist and fucking turn.

At least now he could cry alone in his room, and temporarily forget about this whole fucking situation. Karkat let his tears fall while staring vacantly out his window, why did this have to happen, why couldn’t the universe just let him be happy with his fantasies and leave him at that? He felt his tears begin to fall faster as he let the situation truly set in. And he probably would’ve cried for a while, had the universe decided he’d had enough for one day. But why the fuck would it do that?

Through tear-blurred vision, Karkat could see a familiar head of black hair walking up his driveway. “Oh fuck me, really?” Karkat grabbed his wallet and house keys off his desk and began to open his window while muttering to himself, “You couldn’t just let me be done for one day, could you? Do you get a fucking kick out of torturing me or some shit? Well, whatever fucking force is up there I hope you choke on your own fucking tongue and-“

His rant was interrupted by his father’s voice yelling up to him, “Karkat! John is here to see you!” Fuck. Karkat swung open his window and stepped onto the roof, ready to make his escape down the tree that connected oh so perfectly with the roof to form a teenager’s dream, if they liked to sneak out that is.

But whatever fucker was controlling the events of his life, or his fate or whatever, wasn’t fucking done yet. His foot slipped right as he stepped out of his window, which resulted in him rolling off his fucking roof and into the bush below. He didn’t have time to wallow in self-hatred and pain right at the moment, so he sucked it up and hopped on his beat-up red bike, and rode to the only place he knew would help him calm down.

 

——————————————————————————————————

 

Karkat arrived at Slick’s Diner, it was a rinky-dink joint owned by some type of mafia to probably launder money, but it was a favorite of Karkat’s. Its pale blue neon sign flickering in the dusk lighting, The large pained windows and uncomfortable booth seats, even the cranky waitress Judith, they were all just so perfect in Karkat’s mind.

The raven-haired teen sat his bike up against the wall of the building, not really caring when it fell over the slightest bit. He walked into the diner, a small rusted bell tinkling to announce his entrance. Karkat took his seat at the “bar” area, they hadn’t served alcohol in years but they kept the look anyway. 

A tall, stick-like woman with dirty blonde hair swept into a bun walked over to him. Her face was wrinkled with time, heavy laugh lines framed her mouth and crows feet accented her hazy blue eyes. Her uniform was a pink dress with a white apron on, a small blue bandana around her head. Her name was Molly, Molly Paint.

Karkat smiled at Ms. Paint, as she liked to be called, before ordering, “Just a cherry coke please, Ms. Paint.” She gave him a smile before disappearing into the back to get his drink, only to come back seconds later with a tall red cup in her hand with a maraschino cherry resting on top of the ice. She set it down with so much care that it seemed like she was holding a Faberge egg rather than a cup of shitty sugar water.

“Thanks.” Karkat said weakly before reaching over for a straw. He smacked one end of the paper covered tube against the counter, finally letting out some of his pent-up anger and frustration. When the straw was out of the paper he shoved it violently into his drink before taking a long drink.

He damn near choked on that drink when he heard a voice next to him that was so unfortunately familiar, 

“Damn, Vantas. What’d that straw ever do to you? You were just beating on it like it stole your most prized possession only to be rewarded with the fury of your tiny fists. Watch out you other straws, Karkats a coming and he’s out for blood.” 

Karkat looked over to see Mr. Tall, Tan, and Douchey sitting right in front of him, giving him that smirk that made Karkat want to punch him square in the shades. Before Karkat could let any type of insult hurl its way from his mouth, Ms. Paint stopped at the bar, standing by your shoulder.

“Anything for your friend here sir?” She’s so fucking polite holy shit. 

Karkat looks over his shoulder before saying, “He’s not my friend, or with me. But he can have whatever the hell he wants if he’s got the cash to pay for it.” The sentence in his head had much more profanity, but he couldn’t subject sweet Ms. Paint to that.

Dave flashed his stupidly white teeth at her, “Just a chocolate milkshake please.” Ms. Paint bowed her head and just like fucking lightning reappeared with a chocolate shake in hand. Karkat swears she’s a fucking sorceress or some bullshit. “Thank you, Molly.”

She flushed at being called her first name, it was printed on her name tag but all the regulars knew to call her by her last name. She smiled at Dave and Karkat before walking away to wait on other tables.

“So,” Dave began, “You wanna explain why you jumped my bones earlier on the track? Like, I get it, us Striders have an irresistible charm. I’m like a fucking serine with all this charm just flowing out of me. I’m gonna take you to the bottom of the ocean is you're not careful, KitKat.” Karkat gave Dave an incredulous stare and decided to interject before the shade douche could continue.

“I’m going to stop you right fucking there. I did not fall for any fucking Strider charm of whatever bullshit you just suggested. I kissed you solely for the purpose of making someone else think I didn’t like them and that I liked you. So jump off your high fucking horse you insufferable bulge licker, I am not trying to fucking date you.” The black haired boy let out a frustrated huff before crossing his arms and taking a drink from his soda.

Dave gave him a confused look, or that’s what Karkat thought at least. He saw a pale blonde eyebrow rise above those stupid fucking aviators. “So, wait, who were you trying to convince then?”

“Does it even fucking matter?” Dave continued to stare at him, as stoic as fucking ever, Karkat sighed, “It was another letter recipient you nosey ass prick.”

“I’m not the only one to get a letter? Wow man, you think your fucking special getting a love note in the mail like its some cheesy fucking rom-com and I’m the main star, only to find out that the guy sent out another letter. That's harsh man, so harsh.”

“Shut the fuck up you insufferable wind sac. There were five letters so don’t feel so fucking special about it.”

“Five letters? Damn Vantas, you’re a player.” Karkat looked over to see the blonde resting his head in his hand, giving Karkat a smirk. “So, who are the other four?”

“Oh fuck the hell off Strider. Why in the ever living fuck would I tell you that?” Karkat’s cheeks flushed a light pink in color. Why the fuck did he care?

“Because I’m curious. And you sorta used me to ward off one of the other letter getters, so you kind of owe me.” Dave’s face remained the same, fucking stoic prick.

“I don’t owe you shit, dirtbag.” Karkat desperately tried to think of a way out of this fucking situation. 

“Okay, I didn’t wanna have to play the dirty card but you’ve forced a sweet southern bell’s hand KitKat. If you don’t tell me, I’ll tell everyone about your little letters.” He wouldn’t dare.

“You wouldn't fucking dare.” Karkat tried to keep his glare and voice steady but felt panic rise up in his gut.

“Oh I would, all for a simple secret that means nothing in the grand scheme of things.” This fucking prick. Karkat sat in thought for a moment, before deflating. He wasn’t getting out of this.

“Fine,” He spat with as much venom as he could muster,” I’ll fucking tell you. I wrote a letter for you, Kanaya Maryam, A kid from my summer camp, and a kid from model UN in 5th grade. Oh, and one to John Egbert.” Karkat said as fast as he could, his face burning red.

“Whoa whoa wait. John Egderp? The guy who’s dating your sister? Damn Vantas, I didn’t take you as that type.” Karkat was going to kill him.

“Dated. She dated him, as in past tense. But that doesn’t matter because I don’t like him like that. That's why I kissed you, you insufferable douche. Now if you’re done thoroughly embarrassing me, I’m going to go home.” Karkat moved to leave, but a tan hand on his wrist stopped him.

“Is that shitty red bike outside your ride?” Dave asked, still holding onto Karkat.

“Yes, it is. Now good-bye.” Karkat tried to get his wrist free, but Dave’s grip was unbreakable. 

“Let me drive you home? To make up for being such a dick?” His voice was soft which caused Karkat to stop and look at him out of surprise. That had been the first time he’d heard Dave speak without a douchey facade.

Karkat swallowed, a thick lump suddenly in his throat. “Uh, okay. Sure. You can drive me home, Strider.” Why was he so nervous all of a sudden?

Dave laid a twenty down on the counter saying he’d pay for their drinks and that Ms. Paint could have the rest as a tip, then he whisked Karkat out the door towards a red Jeep Rubicon Wrangler. Dave helped him finagle his beat up old bike into the back of the car.

They hoped into the car, “Do you know how to get to my house from here?” Karkat asked absentmindedly while buckling his belt.

“Nah, I know where it is, don't you worry your pretty little head Karkitty.” Great, he was back to being an ass. Dave threw the car into first and began driving towards Karkat’s home. The silence was thick and awkward, so much so that it was making Karkat squirm. He had to break it.

“So, uh, I want you to know I am really sorry for jumping you earlier today. It was a major douche move. And I’m also sorry because now you’re going to have to deal with the rumors and questions and people thinking we’re dating. Because we both know High school is a black fucking hole of idiots who thrive off of dumb gossip.” He was rambling, but he really didn’t care. Karkat had just needed to break the silence.

Dave let out a snort of laughter, “You got that fucking right. You cant so much as sneeze without someone throwing out a rumor that you have the fucking swine flu or some equally unlikely bullshit.” Dave let silence fall over them for a minute or two before continuing, “And I don’t really mind, man. People will think what they think and you did something rash in the heat of the moment, It’s all cool man.”

Karkat let out a breath, at least he’d accepted his apology. Karkat was an asshole, he knew that, but he didn’t want to be that big of an asshole. Dave pulled up to the sidewalk next to Karkat’s house and stopped the car. Karkat made a move to unbuckle his belt and leave, but Dave’s words stopped him in his tracks.

“Why don’t we let everyone keep thinking we’re dating?” Karkat gave him a confused look.

“What? What the everloving fuck does that even mean Strider?” He could feel his face heating up in a blush for the umpteenth time today. He was going to be a fucking tomato at this point.

“Let’s let everyone keep thinking we’re dating, as in we keep this charade going.” Karkat had a sinking feeling he knew where this was going. “Karkat, you should be my fake boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. The story is gonna really start to kick into gear soon. I'm still debating adding smut and if I do add it where to put it. (Insert innuendo here)
> 
> Next chapter will be out probably before Friday, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Let the Game Begin??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY, IM NOT DEAD SO ENJOY THIS CHAPTER

Karkat stared incredulously at the man in front of him, trying to process the absolute bullshit that had just come out of his mouth. Dave had just fucking asked him to be his fake fucking boyfriend. What. The. FUCK?

“What the grubloving fuck does that mean Strider? Your fake boyfriend??” Karkat’s voice was pitched a note higher than usual, his face a flaming red.

Dave, however, kept his cool, “Yeah dude, fake boyfriend. You can keep making Egderp think that you don’t like him and I can make Jade jealous. It’s a win-win.” He gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

“Make Jade jealous? So I’d be a pawn is what you’re saying?” Karkat was slowly becoming more and more frustrated with the blonde in front of him.

“As I remember, you used me as a pawn first there KitKat. You basically sacrificed me to the queen is how much of a pawn you made me.” Dave was still stupidly stoic while saying all of this. The fucker.

“You don’t know how chess fucking works, do you? You insufferable bag of shit maggots. I’m not going to be your fake boyfriend so you can make a chick you’re borderline obsessed with jealous. Fuck you, Strider.” Karkat hopped out of the Jeep, walking around back to get his bike, only to once again be met by mirrored shades looking back at him.

“Look, it's a big ask, I get that. You gotta weigh your options and all that shit. You don’t gotta answer now, just think about it, 'kay?” He lifted Karkat’s bike out of the back. Karkat grabbed his bike with a quick grab and began walking up the path to his house.

“Fuck you, Strider,” Karkat laid his bike on the side of his house before opening the door and disappearing inside. He walked up to his room and collapsed on his bed, exhausted. He closed his eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep, Dave’s words still circling in his head.

——————————————————————————————

Dave watched the small figure of Karkat retreat into his house. He hadn’t said no, so that was more than he’d expected to get from him. Dave shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to his car. He felt himself give small smile that refused to leave, all because of a small, angry, boy. 

Karkat was cute, he wouldn’t deny it. Dave had come to terms with his bisexuality a long ass time ago thanks to the small angry teen. This was not how he’d expected the day to go at all. He had expected to be depressed and miserable over Jade breaking up with him, to have to wear his cool kid facade until he got to his apartment where he could just let go and actually express his feelings.

Dirk and Bro would tease him, but they wouldn’t mean anything by it. They’d let him just decompress without judgment. But instead, he’d gotten a letter in the mail, addressed to him in what he would describe as “neat chicken scratch”.

He would never admit it to Karkat, but getting that letter had honestly made him feel a hell of a lot better. Dave had always struggled with accepting that he was needed or loved. That he was desirable and deserved to be happy. He could thank his shit head of a dad for that. After getting dumped by his long-term girlfriend, a letter telling him how Karkat found him attractive and funny gave him a pretty good ego boost.

Dirk had seen the letter and raised an eyebrow at Dave when his face flushed a light pink, as a Strider blushing wasn’t really something they did, but he’d simply shook his head and damn near ran down up the stairs into his apartment. 

Dave reignited the engine of his Jeep and began the drive back to his complex building, his thoughts falling back on the events of the day once again. Jade hadn’t really responded when she found out Karkat had kissed you. She told you she was happy you moved on and hopes he and Karkat can have something nice. She didn’t say it with any malice or ill-intent either. 

Truth be told, Dave had expected the break up for a few months. Jade was getting distant, treating him more like a friend than a boyfriend. It hurt a lot. Like fucking Juliette taking a knife to the heart kind of hurt. He wasn’t over Jade, in fact, it was quite the opposite. She was his first in a lot of things, it’s hard to forget that.

Dave not only wanted to try and get Jade back but he also just wanted to fuck with people with his fake dating plan. He only suggested it because Karkat had made it abundantly clear that he had no feelings towards Dave, so there wouldn’t be any trouble with actual feelings. 

He sighed as he pulled into his complex parking lot, parking his car in its usual spot. He slipped his shades up and rubbed at his eyes tiredly, he still had to prepare a set for tomorrow night and get his shit together for soccer.

Dave let his aviators fall back onto the bridge of his nose and left his car, mind swimming with an endless cacophony of thoughts.

———————————————————————————————-

Two Days. That is how long Karkat Vantas feigned being ill so he wouldn’t have to deal with the shit storm his world had become. He felt bad about lying to his dad, but he couldn’t face Dave or John or anyone right now. He’d sent Sollux and Gamzee a message saying he’d be out of school for a few days and then turned off his phone.

How the fuck had this happened? He’d been so careful, or at least he thought he’d been careful. Now four people knew about his embarrassing feelings from the past. Note that only four knew, the letter for Meenah had been addressed to camp and was returned to the sender. So at least he wouldn’t have to deal with that shit show.

The dark-haired boy sighed and burrowed deeper into his blanket cocoon. At least he could be cozy and miserable in peace.

“Don’t think you can just ignore this forever.” John’s voice sounded out in his room, making Karkat groan. He shoved his face into his pillow and let out a muffled scream, no one was home so he didn’t give a shit if he was unreasonably loud.

He peaked out at the messy black haired figment of his imagination and glared at it. “Can you leave me to wallow in peace? I don’t fucking need you here to rub it in.”

John chuckled and took a few steps forward before sitting on Karkat’s bed, “I was so happy to receive that letter, you know. I’ve wanted you for so long Karkat.” 

Karkat’s stomach dropped, but not from the excitement that statement would have created a few weeks ago. Instead, he felt disgusted by himself. He would never hurt his sister by acting on his fantasies, that's why he had written the fucking letter in the first place.

“Just come talk to me, Karkat. We can finally be together now. Just like you want.” The fake John looked down at him, a carnal smirk on his face. Karkat’s face flushed, whether from anger or embarrassment he didn’t know. He opened his mouth to yell at the fake John when a new voice beat him to the punch.

“You should really back off there Egderp. I think KitKat here would like you a hell of a lot more if you went back to wherever the fuck you came from and make out with your Nick Cage posters.” Karkat’s eyes widened as he turned over to see Dave fucking Strider standing on the other side of his bed.

He let out a groan and reburied his face in his pillow. “Can I have one moment of fucking peace? No?! Well, fuck me then!” 

The fake Dave chuckled, “Maybe later Kat when we aren’t being disturbed by the not a homosexual.”

“Oh har-dee-har-har! If smut was a fucking motorcycle it just jumped over a fucking canyon. The crowd goes wild with dismay and then commits mass suicide! Now, will you both kindly fuck off so I can hate myself in peace?” Karkat felt tears well up in his ruby colored eyes, his contacts long forgotten in the bathroom.

He turned from Dave to look at John, gearing up to give the imaginary teen a piece of his fucking mind, only he wasn’t there. He saw the Fake Dave lean onto the bed behind him.

“I think I’m starting to become more real to you than he is, Kittykat. Maybe your feelings for me aren’t so fake after all.” He could hear his fucking smirk.

He whipped around, fully ready to unleash his anger on his pretend intruder. But, he once again found that he was all alone in his room. The tears that had been threatening to spill only minutes before freely fell down his cheeks. Why him? Why did this have to happen to him?

With a pitiful sniffle, he burrowed into his nest of blankets and closed his eyes, desperate to sleep and escape the fucked up reality that was currently his life. He dreamed of an annoyingly stoic face framed with idiotic hipster hair that was infuriatingly beautiful. A soft, deep voice whispering in his ear that he was beautiful.

Karkat woke up with a fire in his gut and one thought in his mind. He was going to accept Dave’s offer to fake date, with a set of rules to set boundaries. He was tired of always watching romcoms, but never getting to live one. This was his fucking chance. Not to mention that he could milk quite a bit from Dave by agreeing to his deal.

He was tired of feeling like shit. Like no one could want to date him because of his appearance or personality. He knew it would be fake, but fuck him if the idea didn’t make him feel the slightest bit better about himself. 

Karkat knew it would be a bad idea, and that knowing Dave it will go bad no matter what. But fuck if his life wasn’t boring and in need of this kind of shit. A plus would also be that he could have an excuse to ignore John.

With his mind made up, he decided to act before he could chicken out. He dressed to fucking impress today, with black skinny jeans, a deep red v-neck, and his burgundy docs. All topped off with the leather jacket Sollux had gotten him last year. He looked hot, and it was appropriate for the cold temperature that was forecasted for the day.

He made his hair look more messed up than his normal bed head. Karkat then grabbed his bag before heading down the stairs, seeing his sister also ready to go and absentmindedly munching on a waffle while looking at something on her phone.

“Let’s go Nep,” Karkat grabbed a toaster waffle Nep had prepared for him and grabbed his keys off the key ring. Making his way towards the door, hearing Nepeta grab her bag behind him. 

He was so determined that he didn’t even notice his usual driving anxiety. The drive was short, and as soon as he was parked in the school’s parking lot he damn near ran down to the soccer field. He knew Dave had early morning practices and since he was captain of the soccer team he sorta had to be there.

Karkat marched across the field, the ground soft and wet beneath his feet. He felt anxiety crawl up his back, and slowed his speed momentarily. Was this really a good idea? Was this worth it?

The black haired boy shook his head and started walking at his original pace once again. He was doing this. 

Karkat spotted a familiar head of blonde hair and irritating aviators and made a beeline for him, “Hey, Strider!” He yelled, attempting to get the boy’s attention. Dave’s head snapped up at his name and looked at you. He stopped juggling the soccer ball and looked at Karkat with a quirked brow.

“What’s up, Kittykat?” He gave Karkat a smirk that the other boy ignored.

“Let’s do this, Strider. I agree to your fucking batshit idea.” Karkat crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Dave expectantly. The blonde gave him a smile that was the most genuine he’d ever seen.

“Really? Shit man, we’re making this happen!” Dave then stepped forward impossible. One of his arms snaked around his waist while the other framed his face. Karkat didn’t have a second to ask what the hell he was doing before he felt soft, warm lips on his own chapped lips.

The kiss lasted longer than the one on the track had, Dave moved his mouth hypnotically against Karkat’s, biting and sucking softly at his bottom lip. Karkat let his eyes closed and began to kiss back, he had no doubt he must be terrible compared to Dave, but he might as well play along.

Dave pulled back and smiled down at Karkat, his cheeks slightly flushed and his breathing heavy, his hands resting on his hips. Karkat, who wasn’t in any better condition, laid his hands on Dave's chest. He could feel the blonde boy’s heart beating rapidly.

Karkat tapped his chest twice, managing to get a few words out, “Find me at lunch so we can talk okay? Okay.” His voice was husky and rough causing him to flush more. 

Karkat then broke free from Dave’s grasp and began the walk back up to the school. His mind racing with a million thoughts, some bad, some good. If anyone saw him walking back with a small smile on his face, he’d say they were lying. But he knew it was the truth, all because of Strider.

—————————————————————————————————

Dave was eccentric. Not only had Krakat agreed to his plan, but he’d gotten to have an almost sloppy makeout with him first thing in the morning. Sure, Dave had kissed him first, but Karkat kissed back, and that's what mattered, really. It showed he was into this weird ass plan and was going to make it convincing.

A few of his teammates gave him congratulatory claps on the back, a few others gave him odd looks. But Dave couldn’t find the will to care right now. He was fake dating Karkat motherfucking Vantas, and it was fucking awesome.

Soccer practice went by quickly after that, his classes following suit. He gave Karkat small glances during Calculous, sending him winks and smirks which effectively turned the other into a tomato. He walked Karkat to his next class, his arm draped around the smaller boy’s shoulders.

“See you at lunch KitKat.” He leaned down and gave Karkat’s cheek a kiss, he decided to forgo the sloppy wet kiss he’d originally thought about for more of a peck. Karkat looked up at him and gave him a small smile. Fuck yeah, Strider 2, Karkat 1. What was the score for? Who fucking knows. All Dave knew was he was a better actor than he first thought.

When lunch finally rolled around, Dave spotted Karkat standing with his arms crossed and an irritated expression on his face. He glared at anyone who so much as looked at him, like an angry kitten.

Dave quickly grabbed his lunch and walked over to Karkat, smirking down at the boy, “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Karkat glared up at him, but it didn’t have its usual fire, “Not here dumbass, we’re gonna sit outside. No one should bother us there.” Karkat grabbed his wrist and tugged him down the hall. Dave followed him willingly, wondering why no one could be around. Maybe he was gonna get another sloppy make out. 

Karkat stops in front of the outdoor eating area, it looked like an abandoned park. Everyone else was inside where it was warm and cozy, out here the wind bit at dave’s nose and cheeks. The brisk early October cold quaking through his body. Thank gog he had his hoodie on.

Dave sat down at a bench and looked expectantly at his “boyfriend” giving him a silent invitation to sit down. Karkat pulled out his lunch along with his notebook and a pen. He gave Dave a level stare, his chocolate brown eyes staring through his mirrored shades. Dave had never really noticed his eyes before, they were beautiful. His strong gaze made him want to squirm.

“Okay, if this is going to work we need to make a set of rules. Like, a contract I fucking guess.” Karkat’s voice startled him out of his thoughts.

“A what now?” Dave looked at Karkat, tilting his head like a confused puppy.

“A contract you ass. To set boundaries and shit. The first rule, I don't want you kissing me like you did this morning anymore. Cheek is fine I guess, but that's fucking it.” Karkat then proceeded to write down the first rule in neat handwriting, all capital letters. It was much neater than the writing in his letter.

“Dude, how are people ever going to believe we’re dating if I can’t kiss you?” Dave raised a blonde eyebrow in question.

“I don’t fucking know. You can put your arm around me and put your hand in my ass pocket I guess? Shit like that.” 

“I can do what now?”

Karkat looked at Dave as though he had grown a second head, “You know, Sixteen Candles? It's the opening fucking scene?” Dave shook his head and shrugged, “You’ve never seen Sixteen Candles? That's going on the list, we have to watch it.”

“Add another thing. You have to come to all my soccer matches and my DJ gigs. And parties, can't forget parties.” Karkat gave him a blank stare that Dave matched behind his shades. Karkat narrowed his eyes before writing Dave’s conditions down.

“Fine. But you have to drive my sister and me to school every day.” Karkat didn’t even look up to see if Dave had agreed, he simply wrote it down. “Another rule, we don’t tell anyone this. Ever.”

Dave rolled his eyes, “Duh, man. The first rule of fight club and all that bullshit.” Now it was Karkat who looked like a confused puppy. “Shit man add that to the sixteen whatever rule. We have to watch Fight Club.” Dave snatched the pen from the smaller boy’s hand and began writing.

While he was writing he thought of another addition for the list, In big letters, Dave wrote out the words ‘Ski Trip’. He underlined it for emphasis. 

“The ski trip? Why the fuck is that a rule? We’ll be long done with this by then.” His cheeks flushed a light pink, and Dave knew why.

The Skia High Annual Ski Trip was famous for being where kids lost their virginities. More than prom and homecoming combined. Dave had a feeling Karkat had never gone before.

“No person would let their significant other go on that trip without them. Think of it as a safety harness dude, in case this charade of ours lasts longer than intended. And one more addition, I’m gonna write you little love notes.” Dave smiled at Karkat’s deepening flush.

“You’d do that for me?” His voice had gone soft and it made Dave’s stomach tighten in a weird way. Play it cool asshole.

“Yeah, sure I would. Jade always wanted me to write them for her, so I’m sure it’d drive her nuts.” Nice save.

“Oh, right.” Karkat’s face dropped and he gave a small sigh, clearing his throat before he spoke again. “Let’s just sign this damn thing so we can get this over with.” Karkat rewrote the contract, this time much neater, and more like an actual contract.

It stated the following:

1\. No kissing on the mouth, kisses on the cheek are acceptable if warranted.  
2\. Dave can rest his hand in the back pocket of Karkat’s pants.  
3\. Must watch 16 Candles and Fight Club.  
4\. Karkat must attend all of Dave’s soccer games, parties, and DJ gigs  
5\. Dave must drive Karkat and Nepeta to School every day.  
6\. Karkat will go on the Ski Trip if this contract still applies.  
7\. Dave will write Karkat little notes.

Each of them signed at the bottom and shook hands, Karkat decided that he’d keep the contract safe and proceeded to pack his bag up. Dave smiled at his ‘boyfriend’ and how well organized he was, despite his messy appearance.

“So,” Dave started, taking a sip of his apple juice, “Since you agreed to come with me to my gigs, you should know I have one next week. It’s at some fall mixer, shits gonna be fucking great. They’ll have pumpkins and shit. It’s gonna look like the fall section of a Michaels dude.” 

Karkat eyed him warily, seemingly thinking things over in his head. Dave simply stared back at him, knowing full and well that he’d agree if he wanted to make sure his contract stayed valid.

“Fucking fine. If I don’t have anything else going on, I’ll fucking come. And if my father agrees to it.” Karkat’s voice was reigned, ha. Strider 3 Vantas 1.

~ switch pov~ 

“Alright, enough of this contract bullshit. I’m fucking hungry and we only have a little bit of lunch left, so lets fucking eat. I’m so fucking hungry I feel like a middle age peasant, please sir may I have some more? I’m withering away over here, Kat. There’s not going to be anything left of me.” Dave punctuated his rambling with a bite of some sandwich he’d grabbed from the cafeteria. It probably tasted like cardboard, but if it did he didn’t show any signs of it.

Karkat rolled his eyes so hard they almost went into the back of his head, he couldn’t believe he was stuck fake dating this idiot. But he decided to look at the bright side of things. At least now he wouldn’t have to drive, and he’d actually have things to do instead of just sitting at home.

“Is it alright if I tell my friends we’re dating? They’re going to find out anyway, but Sollux will be a little bitch if he finds out and I didn’t tell him.” Karkat asked the blonde in front of him. His mouth was still full of the shitty sandwich so he simply gave a thumbs up instead. Idiot.

He let out a sigh and pulled out his phone to text Sollux and Gamzee, anxious to see how they’d respond. They’d probably already heard something about the kisses from the school’s gossip.

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  began pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]  and  terminallyCapricious [TC] 

[CG]: HEY ASSHOLES

[CG]: I GUESS I SHOULD TELL YOU FUCKERS, EVEN THOUGH IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, THAT I’M DATING DAVE STRIDER

[CG]: THE SAME DAVE STRIDER THAT I KISSED IN SEVENTH GRADE AND IS A GINORMOUS DOUCHE.

[TA]: fuck dude really? Why the fuck would you want two date that iin2uferable douchebag?

[TA]: ii mean, two each theiir fucking own ii gue22. 

[TC]: If YoUrE hApPy ThEn Im HaPpy KaRbRo

[TC]: EvEn If StRiDeR iS a MoThErFuCkEr

[TA]: ii wiill never under2tand youre choiice of men KK. Fiirst John and now Dave. 

[CG]: THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR YOUR FUCKING BLESSINGS AND THE REMINDER THAT MY LOVE LIFE IS A RAGING 12 CAR PILEUP ON FUCKING FIRE.

[CG]: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW HOW I STARTED DATING HIM IT JUST SORT OF FUCKING HAPPENED. FATE DECIDED TO FUCK ME UP THE ASS AND THEN SHOVE STRIDER INTO MY FUCKING FACE AS A FINAL FUCK YOU

[CG]: BUT HES REALLY FUCKING SWEET ACTUALLY. LIKE HE’S A COMPLETE AND UTTER DOUCHE BAG BUT HE ALSO IS REALLY FUCK NICE. HES GOING TO DRIVE NEP AND I TO SCHOOL AND SHIT LIKE THAT. 

[CG]: JUST GIVE HIM A FUCKING CHANCE OKAY? HES STILL AN ASSHOLE, BUT NOW HES MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND SO AT LEAST TRY TO BE FUCKING CIVIL HUMAN BEINGS. NO THREATENING MURDER OR ANY FUCKED UP SHIT LIKE THAT

[TA]: ii’ll giive hiim a chance KK, but iim goiing to keep my eyes on hiim

[TA]: iif he hurt2 you ii wiill not he2iitate to make hiis liife hell.

[TC]: DiTtO sOlBrO

[TC]: HoNk :o)

[CG]: FUCKING FINE YOU INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLES

[CG]: BUT THANK YOU <>

[TA]: <>

[TC]: <>

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  ceased pestering  twinArmageddons [TA]  and  terminallyCapricious [TC] 

Karkat smiled down at his phone, thankful that his friends were at least willing to give Dave a chance. He remembered how Sollux and Gamzee had simply hugged him when he told them he loved John and how disgusting he felt because of it. They didn’t try to reassure him that it was okay, or deny his feelings. They simply let him vent and get all his feelings out.

“So they’re cool with us dating?” Dave’s voice sounded in his ear, when the fuck had he moved next to him? Karkat totally didn’t let out a squawk that a fucking parrot would be jealous of. No way. He also didn’t fall off the bench and into Dave’s arms. Okay, maybe that one happened.

Dave’s hands caught him under his arms, his stoic fucking face staring down at him with that infuriating smirk. Karkat tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but ended up falling farther into Dave. Now he was in a fucking dip, Dave’s hands pressed firmly against his back and hip.

“Damn Karkat, I didn’t think you’d be falling for me this soon. But here you are, jumping into my arms like a damn mexican jumping bean. I didn’t thinkI got you so hot and bothered.” His smirk grew a little at Karkat’s red flush. Dave needed a taste of his own medicine. Especially since this was the second fucking time this has happened. 

Karkat wound his arms around Dave’s neck and pulled himself up to a standing position before he pushed Dave back onto the bench and straddled his hips. He put on the most seductive face he could muster, biting his lip, keeping his eyes half lidded while looking down at the shade covered face of his ‘boyfriend’, all the fucking stops. Karkat rested his arms around Dave’s neck and pulled himself closer to the other’s face. He felt Dave’s hand rest on his hips, his grip tight, before freezes obviously not expecting Karkat to retaliate.

“I can’t help it Dave. Not when it's so cold and you’re so warm and waiting for me. How could I resist?” Karkat made sure his voice was low and husky, his lips lingering so dangerously close Dave’s that he could feel the blonde’s breaths on his face. He moved his fingers into the blonde fluff of Dave’s hair, admiring momentarily how soft it was. Karkat then let his lips brush lightly against Dave’s before pulling back, noticing how the boy beneath him followed his lips.

Looking down at Dave, his face flushed a light red and his lips parted. His hair slightly mussed up from Karkat’s fingers. The ebony haired boy smirked down at the teen, proud of his work. He began to lean back down, intending to tease Dave further, but was interrupted by the bell signaling the end of lunch.

Karkat leaned down to whisper in Dave’s ear, “Now who’s hot and bothered?” He kissed below Dave’s ear before quickly hoping off of his lap and grabbing his bag. Karkat walked to his History class with a satisfied smile on his face, he officially broke Dave Strider’s cool.

~pov Switch~

Dave’s mind was fucking reeling. One moment he’d been teasing Karkat, enjoying the cute flush that took over his pale face and the widening of his big brown eyes. And before he could even fucking blink Karkat had turned the table so fucking hard that it might as well been a lazy fucking suzan.

In a matter of seconds, Dave went from having a cute boy in his arms to having a cute boy in his lap. Additionally, said boy was far less cute and far more fucking hot. It should be illegal for him to be able to be that fucking sexy on the turn of a fucking dime.

He’d managed to break Dave’s cool in point five seconds, but how the hell was dave supposed to keep his cool when suddenly he had a lap full of Karkat who was damn near almost kissing him. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he had the gaul to talk in a hot fucking voice and fucking whisper in his ear. 

Dave was still bright red as he watched the retreating form of Karkat’s hips and ass. He needed to calm down before he went to class, the kiss under his ear certainly didn’t fucking help. Dave took a deep breath and stared up at the grey cloudy sky, what the fuck had he gotten himself into?

He let out a groan and rubbed at his eyes. Right now he wanted nothing more than to drag Karkat into a bathroom and kiss him until they couldn’t breathe. The only thing stopping him was that damn contract, which Karkat hadn’t technically broken. Oh, and Jade. He didn’t want to make her upset by getting his mack on with Karkat.

Is that really the only reason? Or are you scared you might catch something for him? 

Dave silenced the voice in the back of his head, opting to ignore it completely than give it any type of acknowledgement. Karkat was his bro. His fake date bro. Nothing more. Strictly platonic. Yep.

~pov switch~

Karkat had a god damned pep in his step as he walked away from a very flustered Dave Strider. Two could fucking play at this game dick wipe. A strong wind blew, almost knocking Karkat off his feet, fuck it was cold. He hugged his sweater closer and walked into the school, egar to get out of the brisk October weather.

He spotted Sollux standing at his locker, his nose damn near buried in his fucking Nintendo switch. He didn’t notice when Karkat stopped next to him and gave him a very poignant glare. Karkat let out a sigh, and tried to peak over Sollux’s shoulder, trying to see what game he was playing.

He wasn’t surprised when he saw him playing some Zelda game, which one he had no fucking clue. The warning bell sounded above them, telling Karkat that they’d be late for class if they didn’t fucking go right now.

“Sollux? Hey, ass-for-brains, we have to go.” No reaction. “Jegus I know you have a fucking speech impediment but I didn’t think you were fucking deaf. That shitty dubstep music you listen to has come back to bite you in the ass.” Still no fucking reaction.

Karkat grabbed the brunette’s arm and began to pull him towards their class. He felt like he was fucking herding a sheep, or a mindless zombie, instead of his friend. He managed to pull Sollux into class just in time, He would’ve acted like a little bitch if Karkat had left him by his locker.

He gave Sollux, who STILL hadn’t looked up from his fucking Zelda game, a shove into his girlfriend Aradia. She caught him easily, nothing could fucking suprise her. She raised a dark brow at Karkat, a smile on her lips.

“You know,” Karkat began, “with how much time he has his fucking nose shoved up the ass of that damn switch its a fucking miracle he has a girlfriend. Or any friends really. It’s like I’m friends with a fucking husk of a nerdy ass buldgelicker half the time instead of an actual human.”

Aradia let out a laugh at this, smiling fondly at you. “Thanks for not letting him be late Karkat. He’s hyperfocused on beating this boss, he’s already died twelve times, which is a lot for him. So I think he’s just shut off everything that isn’t Zelda.” She looked over at the fucking stringbean with multi colored glasses, giving him a look of what Karkat assumed was love or something like it.

“Yeah well next time-“ Karkat was cut off by Sollux yelling next to him.

“Oh fuck yeth!! Take that you pieth of shit boss.” He looked up at his surroundings, and his expression changed from joy to confusion. “What the hell? I wath by the lockerth, how the fuck did I get here?”

“I brought you here you assmuncher, you were in a fucking video game coma so I had to heard your ass to class.” He crossed his arms, glaring at Sollux who scratched his head, which was something he did when confused and anxious.

“Well, thanth KK. I owe you one. Aranea would’ve pitched a fit if I wathn’t here on time.” He offered Karkat a smile, him being genuine was an occurrence far and few between when it came to their conversations, they were usually riddled with swears and sarcasm.

But of course, it didn’t last long. It was about three seconds until Sollux’s grin turned into a smirk that Karkat knew meant he was back to his sarcastic, asshole self. “Tho, KK, what the fuck ith up with you and Thtrider?” God Dammit.

“I already told you, you fucker.” Karkat’s face grew hot, already embarrassed about where this conversation was going.

“No, no. Not you two dating,” Sollux said with a shake of his head, “I meant what the fuck wath up with you making out with him in the courtyard?” Oh fuck.

“We were not making out!” Karkat’s voice was louder than normal and his words were rushed. “I, that was, err, we were.” He stammered trying to figure out what to say, “It’s none of your business what we were doing asshole!” He crossed his arms and let out a huff of air, his face red as a fucking chilli pepper.

Sollux laughed at his reaction, and Karkat knew that this whole dating Dave thing was going to be a fucking field day for him. He was about to give a retort to Sollux’s goblin laugh when Aranea walked in, ready to begin class. 

Deciding it was better not to piss off the cousin of the famed Spider Bitch, Karkat decided to glare as hard as he fucking could at the back of his best friend’s head. He’d just have to wait until later to yell at him.

Karkat tried to turn his attention away from his friend and actually focus on the lecture his teacher was giving. Aranea, who insisted on being called by her first name to help “connect” with the student, was fucking weird to say the least. She prattled on about topics far longer than she should, and always found a way to slip in something about her weird religion and belittle others. She’s the kind of person who would pay people to listen to her talk. 

She also played favorites. And if you weren’t one of her favorites you better jump on their coattails or you were basically fucked. Luckily, Karkat and Sollux were two of her favorites, which was probably why Aradia was passing. Aranea hated her for some fucking reason that Karkat didn’t care enough about to inquire about.

If Aranea didn’t like you she would be merciless when grading, taking off points for anything she could fucking find. Where as if you were a favorite you could pretty much write five sentences on a napkin and get a 100%. She was a bullshit teacher for fucking sure, and Karkat was grateful he had common knowledge about American History.

Class ended after what felt like fucking centuries of Aranea droning on and on about the fucking crusades and how they weren’t that bad, which, by the way, has nothing to do with U.S. history. You know, the class she fucking taught. 

Karkat damn near ran out of the classroom, eager to escape before his batshit crazy teacher could rope him into another pointless discussion. He waved to Sollux before he left and made his way to his next class. 

————————————————-

The day passed quickly after that, karkat heard the occasional whisper about his and Dave’s “relationship” but it was nothing big. Well, it was nothing big, emphasis on was. As soon as Karkat walked into his final class of the day, art, shit started to go down. 

Dave, who was also in this fucking class, decided to plop his ass right down in the seat next to Karkat rather than his normal seat next to Kanaya’s girlfriend. 

The Blonde asshole next to him pulled Karkat’s seat as close to his as possible and sling his arm around the smaller male’s waist. He then leaned in close and whispered into Karkat’s ear. 

“That wasn’t very nice what you did earlier there, kittykat. You left me in quite the predicament. But you started quite a few rumors, so good job on that man.” He smirked as he pulled away, mirrored shades staring down at him. 

“I couldn’t be the only one embarrassed you pompous asshole. You needed a taste of your own fucking medicine.” Karkat punctuated his words with a glare. 

Dave simply laughed and retracted his arm,”You’ve got some fucking fire in you dude. You’re like that last goal of the fire that everyone is all like ‘that shit isn’t hot enough to start anything’ and then you go and burn down the whole damn forest.” Karkat raised an eyebrow at his rambling, “Smokey the Bear is going to come after your ass for fucking fire safety.”

Karkat rolled his eyes at the man beside him, he was fake dating an idiot. He began to open his mouth when a voice stopped him. 

“Well, brother dearest, it seems you’ve so rudely forgotten to introduce me to your new partner.” Rose Lalonde stood in front of your now shared desk, her vivid violet eyes staring down at Karkat. Wait, did she call Dave brother?

“And here I was, thinking your freaky witch shit made you the oracle of everything. Did your Eldritch Gods not tell you this one?” Sarcasm was laced thickly in Dave’s words. 

Rose raised a delicately shaped brow, a small smirk on her black lips, “Unfortunately, Cthulhu only informs me of events, not the details within them.”

“Ah, well send the big squid my apologies for assuming.” Karkat could hear the daring tone in Dave’s voice, trying to edge Rose on. But she didn’t take the bait. 

“I will, though I doubt he’ll forgive you for such an offense.” She turned her attention back to Karkat, “Now then, who’s this?”

Dave cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around his shoulders once more, “This cute piece off ass is my boyfriend, Karkat Vantas.”

Rose’s small smile turned down right cunning as she looked over at Dave, “Karkat Vantas? You mean the one who made you-“

“Uh, nope, nuh-uh, that’s not important right now Rose, so why don't you go back to your girlfriend and draw your weird wizard porn.” Dave’s voice cut through Rose’s words like a sword, an odd tone of urgency tinging his words.. Karkat made a note to ask him about it later.

Lalonde looked at her brother with an aura of victory around her, knowing she successfully goaded her brother. She turned back to Karkat, her voice calm, “Well, it’s nice to meet you Karkat. Kanaya was telling me about you earlier. I think you’ll be good for my brother.” With that, she turned on her heel and walked back to Kanaya.

“What the fuck was all that about?” Karkat asked Dave, confusion plain on his face. Dave gave him an embarrassed look and scratched his neck.

“That’s my sister Rose. She’s got this fucking psychoanalysis shit she does that just fucks with your head. Her fucking life goal is to find a way to get you to uncover some long lost fucking trauma or event. She’s probably the scariest out of the four of us.” Holy shit, four of them?

“There’s fucking four of you assholes? Jesus Christ I’m going to fucking die from drowning in Strider Lalonde bullshit. Someone call the fucking coroner cause I’m fucking coming in hot at this rate.” Dave chuckled at his outburst.

“We aren’t all bad. Dirk is pretty chill, he’s into robots and shit, he’s a fucking genius. And he’s fucking amazing at art, like really fucking good. He’s like a model big bro, after my other Bro that is. Bro is fucking weird, but still fucking fantastic. He made a fortune by sewing these fucked up little puppets, but that isn’t important. Roxy is amazing and I love her, she’s perfect and can do nothing wrong ever. She’s an amazing big sister and I love her dearly.” Karkat let out a little laugh at Dave’s gushing, It was clear that he adored his older siblings. “You just met Rose, she’s pretty alright when she isn’t shoving her nose in other people’s shit. And then there’s me. Obviously the best of the Strilonde bunch.”

Karkat rolled his eyes with a scoff, “Obviously. Who else could beat your charm? Oh I know! Maybe a dead dog or a dancing corpse.” Sarcasm as thick in his tone.

Dave raised a blonde brow, “Nah man I’m charming as shit. And have you ever seen the Corpse Bride? That shit has a charming dancing corpse and a dead dog that was cute as hell.” 

“Whatever fuckass.” Karkat was beginning to get a real good picture of what the inside of his head looked like with how much this fucking idiot made him roll his eyes. He smiled despite himself, he was slowly discovering that Dave wasn’t as bad as he originally thought. Despite his terrible metaphors and ramblings, he was funny and sweet. Still a complete douche, but a funny douche.

“Hey,” Dave’s voice snapped him from his thoughts, “I can see the smoke blowing out of your ears over there, what are you thinking so hard about? You’re gonna blow a fuse man.”

Karkat glared at him, “Fuck off. I was just thinking about, Oops! Time to mind your own business asshole!” Dave honest to god snorted at his response. As in a noise , typically produced by pigs, came out of stoic as fuck Dave Strider.

The blonde held up his hands in mock surrender, “Alright, damn. Don’t bite my head off man. I’m not into vore.” What?

“What?” Karkat raised an eyebrow, “What the fuck is vore?”

Dave laughed softly at him and put a hand on his shoulder, “It’s something two people can do when they love each other very very much.” Asshole.

Karkat punched his arm, “Don’t fucking lie to me fuckass.”

Dave turned to look at him through his shades, “Look at me Kat, what do you see? Would this face lie to you?” He began to pout slightly, the bastard.

“All I see is a coward hiding behind dark eyewear clearly designed for women. So, yes, I do think you’d lie to me.” Karkat crossed his arms and turned away from Dave, proud of his little jab.

Their conversation was cut short when the teacher walked in, Mr. Ampora. The biggest piece of 50’s greaser shit that’s ever graced the earth. Karkat was pretty sure he watched Grease at least five times a day, and would fuck anything that breathes. He was the shitty teacher that flirted with anything and anyone, but he was the only fucking art teacher at this shit hole of a school so Karkat was out of luck.

“All right you bastards, let’s get this show-w on the road.” Karkat groaned at hearing his terribly fake and tacky Boston accent. He even looked like a walking stereotype of a wife beater covered by some type of button up short sleeve shirt and a leather jacket. His hair was greasy enough to start a fucking cooking fire and he smells heavily of cigarette smoke. 

Not to mention all Cronus did when talking to Karkat was mention his uncle, Kankri and asking how to “Get those kahki'd legs to go on a sw-well date.”

Dave leaned over and whispered into his ear, “You wound me with your words Kitkat. You’ll have to make me feel better later.” He wore a smug smirk as he leaned back, Karkat matched it with a glare.

“I don’t owe you shit jackass. Now shut the hell up before the James Dean reject calls us out and rants about some unrelated, irrelevant bullshit and then hits on us because he, some-fucking-how, thinks that some person would enjoy his shitty personality on any level.” Dave gave a snort at his answer, but left him alone to work in silence.

Even though he’d never, fucking ever, admit it to the blonde, dating a strider wasn’t as bad as he thought it’d be.

—————————————————————————————————-

Dave, ever the gentleman, walked Karkat to his car when classes let out. He gave him a small peck on the cheek and gave him a little folded note, making sure to catch a few bystanders’ eyes while doing so. Karkat flushed slightly but accepted the note, grumbling about how he was an ass as he climbed into his car. 

The blonde smirked triumphantly as he watched his “boyfriend” drive closer to the middle school to pick up his little sister, Nepeta. They weren’t even 24-hours into this little charade and it was already going smoothly. 

Dave walked to where his own car was parked, a beautiful red Jeep Wrangler, and was only mildly surprised to see his siblings crowded around the crimson vehicle. He could hear them mumbling amongst themselves, but nothing loud enough to make out.

“Yo, what’s with the party” Dave shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked up to his siblings. All at once three sets of vibrantly colored eyes turned to look at him, Dirk’s eyes were covered by his shades but Dave could still feel his strong gaze.

Unsurprisingly, Rose speaks first. “I was just telling our dearest siblings about your new boyfriend.” Her smile was impossibly polite.

“What about him? You jealous that I got such a cute piece of ass Lalonde?” He smirked, knowing the implication of her being anything but the lesbian witch she was would get under her skin at least a little bit.

She leveled him with a blank stare, “Yes, David. I, a known lesbian, am so so jealous of your ‘cute piece of ass’ boyfriend.” Her lips twitched upwards a tad, showing the fact she was, despite outer appearances, enjoying their banter.

Dirk stepped forward and threw an arm around Dave’s shoulders, “I’m proud to see you embracing the Strilonde family gay gene. It’s about fucking time. I was wondering when you’d suck your first dick.” Dave shoved his brother away with a snort.  
“I’m offended bro,” Dave laid a hand on his chest in mock hurt, “I’m a proper southern lady. No dicks get wet until at least the third date. Not that you’d know anything about that. You go to town on English anytime he so much as smiles in your direction.” Dirk’s cheeks flush a light pink at the mention of his boyfriend.

“He’s hot okay?” Roxy and Dave laughed at his flustered reply. Dirk liked to act like nothing bothered him, a signature Strider behavior, but all someone had to do was mention the name ‘Jake English’ and Dirk’s cool breaks faster than a spoon from the 99 cent store.

“Dirk being a thirsty hoe aside,” Roxy spoke up, “we wanted the dirty details of our little brother’s new eye candy.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

Dave smiled sweetly at her, “You know I don’t kiss and tell Rox, It’s not polite.” He made a move to get into his car. Truth be told, he hadn’t thought of a convincing lie to tell on how he and Karkat got together yet. And if his story wasn’t college paper level of thought out, Rose would see through his shit in seconds.

“Daaaaaaave,” Roxy’s voice called out once more and she latched herself onto his arm, “We already know about the kiss this morning, and your little show in the courtyard at lunch. We just wanna know how you two started talking is all!”

Dave’s eyebrows rose above his shades, and he felt his face heat up a tad. He forgot that people might’ve seen the little spectacle that Karkat had performed earlier.

“Listen Rox, bestest big sister, coolest cat since Chester Cheetah, I will tell you all about how Kitkat and I kiss kiss fell in love when we go to Applefest next weekend, deal? I’ll even bring the angry kitten with us. But, right now I gotta go work on those tracks for tomorrow night. Dirk get your pony boxer clad ass in the car.” Dave managed to shimmy out of Roxy’s grasp and slip into his car.

He let his head thump back against the driver seat and let out a sigh. Dirk looked over at him from the passenger side of the Jeep. “Now you know. Now you know what it was like in my shoes when Jake and I started dating.”

Dave glared at his brother over his shades, “Shut your fuck and cram the John Mulaney references.” The blonde turned the car on and threw it into reverse, beginning the drive back to their apartment.

He could feel Dirk’s gaze on him as he navigated the road, his brother was trying to figure out what was going on without talking. Another signature Strider move. The ride was quite aside from the soft music playing from the radio, Dirk’s quiet demeanor only putting him more on edge.

When the two arrived at their apartment Dirk remained two steps behind him, his amber colored eyes still tracking his every movement from behind those damn anime shades. Neither of them spoke, they simply toed off their shoes by the door and went into the medium sized kitchen their flat was equipped with to begin dinner.

The prolonged silence was no longer awkward, instead it was comfortable. Dave had always loved how his brother knew not to push people on topics they didn’t want to readily talk about. He waited for you to come to him, unless it was something he truly thought was a pressing issue. 

The two brothers had been chopping ingredients for a stirfry when the front door swung open to reveal the oldest Strider brother. Bro, short for Broderick jr., threw his coat over the couch and walked into the kitchen. He laid an arm across Dave’s shoulders and hung on him like a toddler.

“I heard you suck dick now. I’m proud little dude.” Dave let out a groan at his elder brother’s words, he heard Dirk snickering from beside him, “I’m serious little man, it takes a some courage to down your first dick. Especially the dick of the kid who made you have a sexuality crisis when you were twelve.”

“Broooo, shut the fuck up. I have not sucked any dicks, as I have stated time and time again I am a fucking classy lady. Three dates and all that shit. I aint no damned harlot like you two.” Dave glared through his shades. 

Bro simply laughed and ruffled his hair, “I’m proud of you Dave, seriously. I know realizing you were bi was a big challenge for you. I think this Car kid will be good for you.” The taller blonde then took his leave to change into his lounge clothes.

Dave returned to cutting vegetables, dutifully ignoring Dirk’s smirk and instead thinking of a small angry teen with ebony hair and chocolate eyes.

————————————————————————————————-

“Karkat, do we have to take the bus? I hate the bus!” Nepeta’s voice sounded behind him, he hadn’t told Nepeta that Dave was their ride for a while. In fact, he hadn’t told any of his family about his new “boyfriend”

“We aren’t taking the bus Nep, so calm the fuck down.” Karkat turned to lock the door behind them.

“What do you mean?” His sister asked from beside him. He was about to answer her question when a red jeep pulled up to his curb and honked.

Why the fuck was he so nervous? There was no need to be nervous, he and Dave weren’t actually dating after all. “I got us a ride.” He grumbled out as he made his way over to Dave’s car.

The sibling climbed into the jeep, Karkat ignoring Dave in favor of his small breakfast. Nepeta settled into the middle seat and peered at Dave questioningly.

“And who are you?” Dave smirked at Karkat and raised an eyebrow, as if asking Did you really not tell her about me?

“I’m Dave, little Cat. And I suppose I’m your brother’s boyfriend.” Two thing happened after that. First, Karkat choked on his drink. Second, Nepeta screamed.

“What?! No way. And the name is Nepeta, my friends call me Nep. You can call me Nepeta though.” Nepeta looked like a fucking six year old during Christmas.

Dave looked over at Karkat, who just chuckled in return. His first test was to get Nep to like him. “It’s true,” Dave started, “He’s my sweet, angry boyfriend. Yo can I have some of that thing?” He pointed to the Korean breakfast smoothie in Nepeta’s hand. She squinted at him, but handed it over anyway.

“Shit, that’s fucking good. Can you bring me one of these every morning?” Karkat looked over to Dave puzzled, his voice was oddly sincere.

“You’re going to drive us every day?” Nepeta asked.

“Yeah, what else are boyfriends for?” Dave sent a soft smile in her direction that made Karkat’s heart ache.

His sister turned to him, a large cat like smile on her lips, “I like him. You can call me Nep.”

Dave wiggled his eyebrows at Him and turned to face he road, “Sweet, let’s get to school then, shall we?” He threw the car into first and they were off. Dave and Nepeta made small talk and banter along the way, causing Karkat to smile at the idea that Dave was actually trying to befriend his little sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, I'm not dead? I think?? college is weird. Anyway, I'm still writing this. This chapter is a small amount of plot and a lot of filler, really. Next chapter should be much better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM NOT DEAD LOOK AT THAT.  
> School and life got really hectic so I'm sorry about that. 
> 
> Also, I changed Karkat's hair to a reddish brown btw.

“Fucking hell!” Karkat shouted as he spilled some cooking oil on the counter. His cat, a tuxedo Maine coon named Hudson who had been sitting on the breakfast island behind the angry teen, jumped away in surprise at his sudden outburst. “Aw shit, come back Little Man. I need a fucking cooking buddy to stay sane.”

  
The wide amber eyes of his cat stared at him from the safety of the stairs; fear still tingeing his gaze. Hudson had always been skittish, same with his sister Ripley. They’d gotten better, but loud noises still set them off and random hands reaching out to pet them wasn’t well received either. The two cats especially didn’t like strangers; it usually took a few weeks of visiting before they even began to trust them slightly. The black cat tilted his head a little, as if questioning what Karkat wanted, and then turned tail (literally) and ran up the wooden staircase.

  
Karkat sighed and turned back to the mess in front of him. Since Terezi was gone, he was in charge of making something for Nepeta’s theater troop’s bake sale. He had decided on brownies, and boy he wished he had just ignored nepeta’s protests and gotten some fucking box mix. Instead, he was making brownies from scratch using their mom’s old recipe, and it was a pain in the fucking ass.

  
Karkat wasn’t a baker, he overcooked nearly everything if he didn’t flat out burn the shit out of it, and he always made a huge fucking mess that took twice as long to clean as it took to make the damn thing in the first place. As delicately as he could, he began to measure out the ingredients he needed. He needed to concentrate okay? It’s fucking hard work.

  
Karkat, much to his fucking dismay, was broken out of his concentration by the buzzing of his phone. “Fuckin-, who the fuck?” Glancing over at the screen he felt his face flush. Dave was texting him, again.

  
Now that they were “dating” it wasn’t abnormal to receive messages from the douchey blonde, but it still made a tight feeling coil in Karkat’s gut. The news of them dating broke across the school in less than a day, and after the weekend they were the talk of the school. Everyone knew that soccer star Dave Strider was dating the bookworm nobody Karkat Vantas.

  
The first official day that they were dating was by far the most hectic. The car ride was simple enough, Nepeta instantly liked Dave more when he told her that he was her ride for a while, but Karkat could see her analyzing the blonde from the back seat.

 

 

_When they arrived at school, it felt as though everyone’s eyes were on them. Dave’s hand rested snuggly in Karkat’s back pocket, his large hand warm even through the coarse layer of denim. The two teens had strut into the cafeteria with unbridled confidence, despite the unease that had settled in Karkat’s stomach._

  
_Once Dave had been sure they’d caught Jade’s eye, he leaned down and handed the smaller man a folded note. He then whispered into Karkat’s ear, his breath hot and sending a shiver down his spine, “Nice job, KitKat. Everybody’s hooked. I’ll see you later.” The blonde pecked his cheek and walked away, leaving Karkat a blushing mess._

  
_“You know, KK, I never really took you for the big PDA guy.” Sollux’s scratchy voice sounded from behind him. Aradia and Gamzee were flanking his lanky frame._

  
_“Oh shut your grub-loving fuck Sollux. It’s not my fault that my, uh, boyfriend, likes to flaunt our relationship. Additionally, you fucker, I am probably the biggest fucking romantic at this school, why the absolute fuck wouldn’t I want to participate in PDA?” Karkat crossed his arms defensive over his chest._

  
_Gamzee’s deep voice broke through their conversation, “I don’t mean to be all up and motherfucking bursting your bubble, Karbro. But it looks like that Harley motherfucker is glaring up a motherfucking storm and sending it your way.”_

  
_Karkat looked over his shoulder to see Jade Harley herself glaring daggers in his direction. If looks could fucking kill, he’d be deader than the fucking dinosaurs. Well, at least it looked like Dave’s plan to make her jealous was working._

  
_Karkat turned back to his friends and shrugged, adorning a facade of indifference, “Fuck her, she had her chance, and she blew it.”_

 

 

The rest of the week was relatively calm in comparison to that first day. Karkat had been introduced to the rest of the Strilondes during lunch; He deemed Roxy his favorite out of the bunch. Dave met his friends as well, and even though his friends “behaved” he still got a text from Dave saying he was scared of his weird Juggalo friend. Even Kanaya pulled him over in the hallway one day to congratulate him on his new boyfriend and told him to text her some time.

  
Overall, his life was starting to follow a path that at least resembled something not wholly shit. However, the brownies he was attempting to make did look like shit. How the fuck did a blind girl, make better brownies than him? He knew the answer was because Terezi was fucking amazing and never let her blindness limit her abilities.

  
Karkat bit his lip at the thought of his sister, and He hadn’t talked to her in around a week mainly because he couldn’t figure out how to tell her about Dave. He didn’t want to lie to her, and even if he tried she’d know something was up in an instant — fucking bullshit lawyer powers.

  
“Hey there, kid. How’s the baking going?” Karkat took a break from glaring at the recipe card to look at his father. His chocolate brown eyes crinkling at the corners, and a broad, loving grin graced his face.

  
“Its shit and I hate this. I am a terrible baker. If Gordon Ramsey were here, he’d tell me to go fuck a goat and get the hell out of his kitchen. Then he’d have to call poison control to get this clusterfuck under wraps. There would be at least four casualties, and it would be deemed a national crisis.” His small rant got a chuckle from his father. He was about to reply to his son’s rambling when the doorbell rang.

  
Karkat busied himself with trying to make some fucking brownies; it shouldn’t be this fucking hard what the fuck? His father walked back into view with someone in tow, but Karkat didn’t care who it was. He was becoming one with these fucking brownies Goddamnit.

  
“Karkat, you have a visitor.” His father’s voice sounded in his ear. Begrudgingly, he looked up to see his shit stain of a “boyfriend” standing in front of him. His appearance made him stutter in his movements for a moment, why the fuck was he here?

  
“Dave? Why the hell are you here?” Karkat stared quizzically at the blonde

  
“Kitkat, I told you last week about this party. And if you’d looked at your phone, you probably would’ve seen the avalanche of messages I sent you.” The blonde in question raised an eyebrow at him, a smirk on his lips. The fucker.

  
The teen covered in flour scoffed, “And why, prey fucking tell, would I care about this party?”

  
Dave leaned against the counter and locked eyes with Karkat behind his shades, “Because you promised you’d come with me, its part of our agreement, remember?” Fuck.

  
“W-well, I can’t go! I have to make brownies for Nepeta’s club bake sale! So sorry, but maybe next time. Please exit the way you came, please and fucking thank you!” Karkat tried to usher Dave out the door, but a broad hand on his shoulder stopped him.

  
“Now wait a minute, Kat. I think you should go. It’ll be good for you to get out of the house. I can take care of the brownies; go get cleaned up.” Karkat’s jaw dropped as he stared at his father.

  
“B-but, baking is my passion?” He meant to have more venom in his voice, or at least say it without it sounding like a question. However, instead, his voice came out meek and quizzitive. His father chuckled and pushed him towards the stairs.

  
“Go get cleaned up; I’ll finish up the brownies.” The ebony haired teen sighed and trudged up the stairs. His father was a traitor, a dirty fucking traitor. He could hear him and Dave discussing something in the kitchen but fuck if he could make it out.

  
Karkat stripped of his flour and cocoa stained clothes and stepped into the shower, briskly making sure he was clean enough to be around his peers for a few hours. He realized while shampooing his unruly hair that he had no clue what to wear to this party. His fashion sense didn’t go much further than shirt+pants=socially acceptable.

He rinsed the soap from his hair and sent Kanaya a quick message over Pesterchum.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG]began pesteringgrimAuxiliatrix [GA]  
[CG]: HEY KANAYA CAN I ASK YOU FOR SOME HELP?   
[CG]: DAVE IS TAKING ME TO A PARTY AND I DONT WANT TO LOOK LIKE COMPLETE GARBAGE   
[CG]: COULD YOU POSSIBLY HELP ME PICK OUT AN OUTFIT? I KNOW IT’S FUCKING WEIRD BUT I WANT TO LOOK NICE FOR DAVE?  
[GA]: Oh Karkat! I Would Love To Help You Pick An Outfit.   
[GA]: I Myself Will Be At, Most Likely, The Same Party Tonight With Dave’s Sister, Rose.   
[GA]: Tell Me What Your Closet Mainly Consists Of?

Karkat took a look into his closet. He mainly wore long sleeved sweaters that were slightly too big, Flannels, and shitty graphic tees that Sollux got him because they’re “fucking hillariouth KK.”

  
[CG]: WELL I HAVE A LOT OF SWEATERS, SOME FLANNELS, AND REGULAR GRAPHIC TEES. I THINK I HAVE A FEW REGULAR LONG AND SHORT SLEEVED SHIRTS WITH V-NECKS TOO?  
[CG]: AND ALL I REALLY WEAR PANT WISE ARE SWEAT PANTS AND STRAIGHT LEG JEANS.  
[GA]: Hmm.  
[GA]: What Colored Flannels, V-necks, And Pants Do You Have?  
[CG]: I HAVE THE FIRST TWO IN RED, BLACK, GREY, AND BLUE, AND THE PANTS ARE JUST JEAN COLORED? Also, I THINK I HAVE A BLACK PAIR?  
[GA]: Pair Either The Black Or Grey V-neck With a Red Or Blue Flannel And Match With The Black Jeans. Any Pair Of Converse Or Boots Should Match.  
[GA]: I Would Go With Red If I Were You.  
[GA]: Its Dave’s Favorite Color ;)

 

Karkat blushed slightly and picked the dressed in Kanaya’s suggestion. He didn’t look bad, Something about the V-neck and the flannel accentuated his collar bones, making his chest look broader than it usually did. He slipped his grey converse on and sent Kanaya a picture.

  
[CG]: THANK YOU FOR THE HELP. I DON’T LOOK HALF BAD. SEE YOU AT THE PARTY  
[GA]: See You Then Karkat.

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  ceased pestering  grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

 

  
Karkat grabbed a jacket, his wallet, and a small Crab stim toy. He then slipped back down the stairs, a part of him hoping that Dave had decided to ditch him. But alas, the Blonde was sitting at the breakfast bar, tapping idly at his phone.

  
Karkat cleared his throat, “I’m ready to go fuckass.” He couldn’t stop the small flush in his cheeks as he felt the burn of Dave’s eyes scanning him up and down.  
“You look nice Crabcat.” Dave gave him a small smile before turning to his dad, “I’ll have him home by midnight.”

  
His dad chuckled before responding, “Have him home before sunrise. Have fun Karkat. Be responsible!” Karkat buried his face in his hands and rushed towards the door, Dave close on his heels laughing under his breath.

 

———————————————————————————————-

 

When Dave told him they were going to a party, Karkat expected something smaller. A get together of his friends, like what his parties with Sollux and Gamzee were. What he didn’t expect, was to arrive at a fucking mansion.

  
The house was huge, at least three stories and built from white stone. It had fucking columns framing the ornate front door. Said door was, in fact, a set of double doors made from dark stained wood, stained glass decorated the doors to add even more of an expensive flare. Karkat couldn’t help gaping at the massive homestead, which caused Dave to snort at him.

  
“Never seen a mansion Kitkat? It’s not so intimidating once you’re inside, promise.” Dave grabbed his wrist and tugged him inside. Weirdly enough the house was seemingly empty, the entire party hidden behind two solid wooden doors. Dave was about to push open the doors and tow Karkat into the fray of the party but was stopped dead when Karkat froze on the spot.

  
“Dave, I, uh, I’ve never really been to one of these, and I don’t really know what to do or how to fucking act?” Karkat could feel panic settling in his stomach. He reached for his crab stim toy and began to fiddle with it. It was a small foam crab that had the same consistency of a stress ball but also had a little tangle attached to it.

  
He felt Dave’s hands encompass his, when had he gotten so close? “Deep breaths Kat. You’ll be okay, Kanaya and my siblings are going to be in there, and they won’t let anyone be an ass to you. The only thing you have to worry about is Jade, and even then I doubt she’ll give you much trouble.” Karkat felt himself begin to relax, “I’m the guest DJ later tonight, and that's only for maybe an hour. However, I won’t leave you unless you’re with someone you know, okay?”

  
Karkat starred wide-eyed at Dave, he hadn’t expected him to be so understanding or caring. He had expected him to be a douche, to tell him to shut up and be pretty. Not to act like a real boyfriend. The auburn haired teen nodded dumbly at the blonde, who gave him a small grin in return.

  
“Oh, one sec.” Dave quickly pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of Karkat, his soft expression rapidly changing back into one of annoyance.

  
“What the hell Dave? Delete that you sack of shit!” Karkat tried to jump for the other teen’s phone, but it was held out of his reach while Dave fiddled with it. When he was finished, he showed his phone to Karkat. His lock screen was the picture he’d just taken of Karkat looking softly at him, his eyes full and expression soft. He looked like a kitten, and he fucking hated it.

  
“If we’re gonna pull this whole couple thing off then we’re gonna have to pull out all the stops, Kittykat. Gimme your phone.” Dave snatched Karkat’s phone and snapped a quick selfie, setting it to be his lock screen as well.

  
Karkat sputtered at his “boyfriend,” “What the fuck Dave? Can you not be a huge prick for once?” He fixed the blonde with a glare.

  
Dave shrugged, “I’m just trying to be a good actor Kitten, now let's go.” Before the other could protest, he was dragged into the bustling noise of the party. His senses were suddenly filled with the thrumming of a baseline and the loud chatter of the fucking sea of people. Karkat instinctively tightened his grip on Dave.  
They waded through a sweaty crowd for a few minutes before Dave tugged him over to a group of people playing a drinking game, Karkat recognized the ridiculous hair of Dirk and the scruffy hair of his boyfriend, Jake.

  
“Yo bro, how’s the party so far?” Dave’s voice strained to break over the obnoxious dubstep music. Dirk looked up from the table filled with solo cups and smirked at the sight of them. Dave looked composed and suave, and Karkat looked like a nervous dog at the fucking vet.

  
‘It’s okay. This DJ isn’t the best though. I swear he’s played the same track five times now. We’re going to-“ Dirk was cut off by the brunette next to him.

  
“Dave! How have you been old chap? An who’s this? Oh, wait a minute, you mus be KatKar! I’m Jake, Dirk’s boyf- *hic* riend.” Jake’s cheeks were flushed red; whatever alcohol he’s been drinking was taking effect. Karkat snorted a bit at the Brit’s behavior.

  
“Babe, you’ve met him before. Also, his name is Karkat, not KatKar. I think you’ve played enough for now.” Dirk tried to direct him away from the game table, but the other teen was having none of it. In retaliation, he went limp and draped himself over Dirk’s person.

  
“But Dirk,” his voice took on a whining tone, “I need to teach this chap a lesson not to mess with me.”

  
“I think you made that clear dude,” Dirk effortlessly picked Jake up bridal style, the other teen began to kiss and nuzzle at his neck, seemingly happy with the sudden change of position. Dirk turned to look at Dave, “I’ll be back in like, fifteen minutes. I’m going to take this doofus up to his room. I’ll be back for our set.”

  
As Dirk, and consequently Jake, took their leave, Karkat didn’t miss the red flush that dusted Dirk’s cheeks. He looked up to Dave, who by then had draped an arm over his shoulders almost protectively. In the lighting of the party, Karkat could see how defined his jaw was, and how his skin was such a stark contrast to his white blonde hair. He was beautiful.

  
He was startled out of his, admittedly gay, trance when Dave leaned down to talk in his ear, “I think I see Rose and Kanaya, want to go say hey?” Karkat nodded up at him, not trusting his voice not to crack. Dave then leads him over to a door that opened to a patio and pool, Kanaya, Rose, and Roxy all stood in a small circle talking amongst themselves. Kanaya smiled when she noticed their presence, her eyes quickly scanning Karkat’s outfit. If her satisfied smirk is anything to tell by, she was quite pleased with her work.

  
“Karkat! I’m glad to see you!” Kanaya’s British accent cut through the pounding music with ease; she’s too fucking powerful, hot damn.

  
Karkat waved meekly back at her, “Hey Kanaya, thanks for the help earlier.” She smiled proudly at Karkat. From beside her Rose, at least he thinks it’s Rose, looked between them with a delicately raised brow.

  
“I didn’t know you knew Karkat, love.” Kanaya’s grin grew almost motherly. She turned to look at her girlfriend while stepping forward to fix Karkat's collar.

  
“Oh yes, we’ve known each other for a while now. Just fell out of touch for a little is all. He was my date to the freshman Homecoming.” Her smile took on more of a teasing aspect as Karkat’s cheeks flushed at the memory of his awkward proposition to dance.

  
Dave slung an arm around his shoulders, smirk plain as day on his face and a pale blonde brow raised above dark shades, “You asked Kan to the freshman dance? Damn Kitkat, I didn’t know you were such a ladies man.”

  
“I am not a ‘ladies man,’ Strider. And you fucking know it. I thought I’d given sufficient evidence of that by now,” Dave’s cheeks flushed a light pink, nearly invisible in the dim lighting of the large house. Karkat felt a bolt of satisfaction that he had managed to fluster Dave.

  
Rose and Kanaya hid their laughter behind their hands, Rose’s violet eyes shining with mirth. Her expression of amusement was brief; her eyes were snapping to something behind Karkat and Dave. Rose’s face took on a mask of indifference, her eyes cold and gaze sharp. Kanaya noticed her girlfriend’s sudden change of demeanor and followed her gaze, her behavior morphing in an instant to match the blonde beside her.

  
Karkat was about to turn to see what had captured the women’s attention when a voice coughed behind them. Karkat froze, panic going down his spine. He didn’t have to turn around to know that the voice belonged to Jade Harley.

  
“Jade,” Rose’s tone was emotionless, neutral, “I did not think you would be here this evening. Jake had mentioned you not feeling well,”

  
Dave, with his arm still around Karkat’s shoulder, stepped to the side pulling Karkat with him. The blonde’s slim fingers tightened on his shoulder as he came face to face with his ex-girlfriend. Her ebony hair was pulled into a messy bun; her makeup was composed of a cat eye and pale red lipstick. Jade’s dress was black with a green overlay and strapless, cutting off at her knees.

  
“I wasn’t going to come, but Feferi convinced me last minute,” Her emerald eyes turned to Dave, “Dave can I talk to you for a moment?”

  
“Yeah, sure.” Karkat was surprised that Dave’s voice didn’t waver. The warmth of his ‘boyfriend’s’ body disappeared, leaving him strangely cold. Jade tugged Dave away by his wrist, merging into the crowd of student around them.

  
Dave tried to quell the anxiety pooling in his stomach as Jade bobbed and weaved through the sea of drunk students around them. The smell of sweat and alcohol was thick in the air, adding nausea on top of the anxiety in his gut.

  
Jade pulled him into the large bathroom off the hall to the kitchen. She pulled him into the crimson-colored room, locking the door behind her. She turned to face him, her hands on her hips and a small smile on her lips.

  
“How do I look, Dave?” Jade’s voice was light and airy; her eyes half-lidded as she looked at him. Dave moved to lean against the sink, turning his face away from the girl in front of him.

  
“You look great, Jade. You always do,” Dave could hear her moving closer, the click of her heels against the tile deafening in the silent room. Dave felt his walls beginning to rebuild around him, his face and voice becoming an expressionless shield.

  
_When had I let my guard down?_

  
Dave barely had time to think before he felt a hand begin to reach for his chest. He flash stepped to the side, seeing Jade frozen with a hand raised to where his chest had been moments before.

  
“What the hell, Dave?” Jade whipped around to look at him; her peridot-colored eyes squinted in annoyance, “I thought you wanted my attention?” She raised a dark brow expectantly.

  
Dave stalled for a moment. He had wanted her attention. That was the entire point of his relationship with Karkat. So why was he deflecting her like this? Two hours ago all he could think of was Jade, and he had been scanning the crowd for the familiar long black hair and circle glasses. He had utterly forgotten her at some point, only remembering her existence when she interrupted his conversation with Rose, Kanaya, and Karkat.

  
“I did want it, Jade,” The chill of his voice surprised him, “But maybe I’m not so sure I want it anymore,” Dave felt his hands begin to shake and reached for the little crab squish he had swiped from Karkat earlier. He hadn’t meant to but had completely forgotten to give it back earlier. He twisted the small plastic tangle attached to the foam.  
“What the heck does that mean?”

  
Dave took a deep breath, “You hurt me, Jade. You fucking hurt me. And at first, all I could think of was getting you back. But now? Now I’m not so sure I want you anymore. Besides, why are you vying for my attention? Don’t you have that new college boy toy to keep you entertained?”

  
Jade bit her lip, “Petta is not a ‘boy toy’ he’s very caring,” Jade’s voice sounded as confident as Dave felt convinced. So not at all, “besides, it’s not like you and Karkat are the real deal anyway. So what does it matter if we have a little fun, Dave?” Jade moved closer to him again, a fire in her eyes.

  
Dave felt his stomach drop at her words. If she was willing to cheat on her new boyfriend, did she ever cheat on him? So did she really think he was wrapped around her finger so tightly he would cheat on his boyfriend just because she asked? Dave began twiddling the little crab squish more rapidly, the soft foam bringing his an odd sense of comfort.  
“You know you want to, Dave,” Jade was an arm’s length away now, her eyes darted down to his hands before snapping back up to meet his aviators, “Did Karkat give that to you? I have something else to occupy your hands,” She plucked the toy from his fingers, closing in for the kill.

  
Dave flash stepped faster than he ever had before, moving to the door in the blink of an eye. He snapped the lock open and threw the door open, leaving Jade standing baffled and alone in the bathroom.

  
Dave weaved through the crowd, desperately searching for the mop of mussed up dark hair that was far more beautiful than it had any right to be. He spotted Karkat sitting with Rose, Roxy, and Kanaya. He had a bright flush on his cheeks as he talked to them as well as a small smile, Dave was too far away to hear what he was saying. As soon as he broke through the crowd Karkat’s grey eyes met his, and the smaller teen offered him a little wave. Dave tried his best to appear casual, slipping his hands into his pockets as he walked over to the group.

  
“Hey Kitkat, it’s getting pretty late. Do you want to bounce? Maybe get some food before I take you home?” Karkat squinted at him, confusion in his eyes. But he nodded and stood from the couch.

  
“That’s probably a good idea. I’m getting a bit overwhelmed here. This music is going to make my fucking eardrums explode,” Dave snorted and slipped his hand into Karkat’s giving it a small squeeze.

  
“I’ll see you later sis, drink water Roxy,” Dave didn’t wait for their responses as he leads Karkat away, making a B-line for his car. His heart thundered in his chest, the beat echoing in his ears.

  
_I’ve got to get out. I’ve got to get away from Jade. Don’t let the facade break. Not now._

  
Dave carted Karkat and himself out the ornate door of the mansion, his eyes trained solely on his red Jeep. He fumbled with his keys, nearly dropping them in the grass in his haste to pull them from his pocket. The car’s lights flashed twice, signaling that the doors were unlocked.

  
The blonde pulled the passenger side door open with an exaggerated flourish, giving his best smirk to Karkat. The teen looked at him skeptically for a few moments but reluctantly clambered into the vehicle. Dave rounded the hood and entered the car himself, slipping the key into the ignition.

  
The Jeep roared to life with a deep purr, the baritone sound echoing within the carriage of the car. Dave gripped the steering wheel, slipped into first gear, and drove.  
Karkat felt as though he was trying to solve a complex riddle every time he was around Dave. One moment the teen was cocky and confident, that far too charismatic smirk on his lips. However, in the blink of an eye, he became recluse, stoic, a wall standing tall around his emotions. Karkat was trying to crack a code to see the real Dave, but it was like trying to decipher the Zodiac cipher.

  
The blonde had a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel, his face devoid of any emotion except for the slight downward tilt of his mouth. Something had happened in the bathroom with Jade, that much was apparent. However, the question was: what?

  
The silence was suffocating; the radio was muted making the air thick with tension. Karkat could see the profile of Dave’s face, illuminated by the orange glow of street lights. The orange reflected off of his pale blond hair, highlighting the strands just so that he looked as if he had a halo. Why the fuck was he so beautiful?

  
“Dave?” Karkat’s voice was far quieter than he expected if the blonde heard him, he didn’t show it, “Dave? Earth to major douchebag? Anyone in that vacant space of hot fucking air you call a head?” Karkat tried to get his attention again.

  
Dave kept his eyes straight ahead. His attention focused on the road in front of him. The silence continued until Dave put the car in park, he switched off the engine and exited the vehicle wordlessly. Karkat balked at where he had just been before scurrying to follow his boyfriend.

  
“What the fuck assmunch? Can you snap out of your weird psycho-esque mood swing and tell me what the fuck is going on?” Karkat moved to stand in front of Dave, his arms crossed. He made sure to wear his best scowl and glare. “I told ya, Kat, we’re getting some food before I take ya home. SO if you’re done glaring at me like I took a piss in your lemonade can we please go inside? We are looking all sorts of creepy standing outside a diner in the dark, and we got child predator vibes man. Someone is gonna call the cops on our asses. I’m too pretty to go to jail Karkat. My poor ass would ruined. It’d be like a hotdog in a hallway after all that shit.” Karkat held out a hand, signaling for Dave to stop.

  
“What the fuck does any of that mean? Do you ever fucking think before you spew out your word vomit? You know what, I don’t fucking care. Buy me a damn milkshake.” Karkat felt a chill run through him, the fresh autumn air nipping at his face. Dave smirked down at him, making Karkat’s stomach flutter a little. At least it was something.  
Karkat turned on his heel, marching through the door of Slick’s and walked into the fluorescent-lit building. He moved to take his seat at his favorite booth, sliding onto the vinyl seat with a slight bounce. Dave sat across from him wordlessly, his gaze focused on the table in front of him. Ms. Paint walked over to them, silently prompting them for their order.

  
“Hello, Ms. Paint. I’ll have a cherry milkshake and a basket of fries,” She nodded her head with a small smile. When she turned to Dave, he remained silent, lost in his mind. Her light pink colored lips turned down in a small frown, she looked to Karkat with questioning eyes, “He’ll have, ahh, a vanilla milkshake and an apple juice,” She gave a determined nod and disappeared into the back.

  
“Dave, what the fuck is up with you? You’re acting more stoic than normal which I thought was fucking impossible. It’s fucking unnerving, so what the fuck is eating at you?” Dave looked up at him, his face changing from neutral to his cocky smirk in the blink of an eye.

  
“What are you talking about Kitkat? I’m so fucking chill the north pole is jealous. And nothing is ‘eating me’ dude. I’m not into vore.”

  
“What the fuck is vo-, no, you know what? I don’t give a shit. So cut the ironic bull shit you blithering feculent shithole,” Dave snickered at the insult, but Karkat ignored him and continued speaking, “I know something happened with Jade,”

  
Dave sobered up a little, the slight tensing of his shoulders so small Karkat might have missed the gesture had his gaze not been locked onto Dave. His smirk grew tighter, his pale lips pursing even tighter.

  
“Kitkat, do I look like I’d let a flighty broad get me all riled up?” His voice was as he spoke. Karkat leveled him with a glare.

  
“I see nothing but a coward hiding behind dark eyewear clearly designed for women and a pair of impudent lips pursed so tight it’ll sound like air squealing out of a balloon when I punch you in the gut,” Karkat hissed at the teen across from him, “Now cut the shit and fuck off. And by fuck off I mean sit here and talk to me you insufferable prick,”  
Dave surveyed him for a moment; his smirk had fallen into a crooked smile. He huffed out a laugh and shook his head; a pale hand was coming to rest on his face. Dave took a deep breath before looking back up at Karkat.

  
“Has anyone ever told you that you have such an amazing way with words?” Sarcasm laced his words, but it was barely covering how tired his voice sounded, “You wanna know what happened? Fine. Jade cornered me and tried to get me to hook up with her like a street corner whore. But since I am such a loyal boyfriend, I absconded the fuck out of there. Happy now?”

  
“Wait, didn’t you want her attention? So why the fuck did you run away?” Dave turned his head to the side, mumbling into his shoulder, “What?” Dave mumbled into his shirt again. Karkat sighed, pinching his forehead in frustration, “Goddamnit Dave, stop fucking mumbling like a toddler and speak the fuck up,”

  
“I said I didn’t want to be with her like that!” Dave snapped, his head whipping to look back at Karkat, “I, I don’t want to be with her if I’m just some cheap hook up. That’s not something I’m into okay? I know, big fucking shocker, Mr. Coolkid Dave Strider isn’t down with one night stands,” Dave rubbed his face, his shoulder sagging. Karkat stared at him with wide dark eyes, stunned into silence.

  
“She tried to get me to hook up with her. To get me to cheat on you. And it made me start thinking. If she’s willing to cheat on her boyfriend now, did she ever cheat on me? I know Jade has always wanted an open relationship, but I’m not into that sort of thing. I thought, maybe, just fucking maybe, she wanted me back. I’ve been calling her almost every night, and she seemed so genuine. But maybe it was all fake? Maybe I’ve been fucking blind this whole time,”

  
Dave’s voice grew quiet as he finished speaking; his face turned to look out of the window. He looked so tired, even if it was just a minuscule crack in his indifferent facade. Karkat barely noticed when Ms. Paint laid their food on the table, his charcoal colored eyes trained on the teen across from him.

  
“Why do you call her?” Dave raised a pale brow over the rim of his aviators.

  
“Why? Because it’s what I did when we were dating,”

  
“But, you aren’t fucking dating anymore dickwipe. So why are you still calling her?” Karkat drummed his fingers against the polywood table. Why the fuck was he playing therapist? He got enough of this shit from Sollux when he talked about Aradia.

  
“Habit? I don’t fucking know man,” Dave looked at him for the first time since the dam of this weird ass feeling jam burst open.

  
“Well, you need to break the fucking habit. Don’t call her tonight,” Dave opened his mouth, probably to protest with some stupid bullshit. Karkat held up a hand and spoke before he had the chance, “Nope. Time out for the idiot. The idiot gets a time out and shuts up for a second. The idiot is you if that wasn’t fucking clear.

  
“You need to fucking show her you aren’t her toy to play with whenever she fucking wants. I don’t care if you ‘love’ her or whatever, she dumped you. Plain and fucking simple. So by following her like a lost fucking puppy is just encouraging her to keep toting around your balls in her purse. So take them fucking back and don’t call her. Don’t even fucking acknowledge her existence. You have feelings too Dave, and you shouldn’t throw them away for one person. Especially not a person who treats you like a cheap boy toy,” Karkat finished his rant by taking a long sip of his slightly melted milkshake. Dave stared at him, mouth agape. He stayed that way for a few seconds before snorting out a laugh and shaking his head.

  
“Damn, Karkat. And here I thought you didn’t care,” He took a sip of his milkshake, “How are you so well versed in romance? I thought you never dated anyone?” Dave snatched a few of the fries from the red plastic basket in the middle of the table.

  
“I’ve played romance therapist to Sollux for fucking years. He’s been pining for Aradia since he knew what a tit was,” That earned a little huff from Dave, “Not to mention I was always the one Terezi cornered into talking to when John did something. But I also have my novels and movies. You learn a lot by watching the people around you,” Karkat grew quiet after that, the realization of how fucking sad that sounded.

  
“Well,” Dave startled him, “Now you have me to show you the ropes or rrrrromance,” He rolled his r with an over the top flourish, “You couldn’t have picked a better boyfriend than this hot piece of ass in front of you. You hit the jackpot here Kitkat,”

  
He could feel his chest swell at Dave’s words. Hearing that he had a boyfriend still made his stomach tighten. However, the everpresent voice in his head rang out.

  
_Except he isn't your boyfriend. How could someone like him love someone like you? The only way for you to have a Boyfriend is for him to be fake._

  
“Shut the fuck up and drink your milkshake,” Karkat didn’t bother correcting him that they weren’t dating.

  
Dave picked up the check, making sure to give Ms. Paint a hefty tip, and then drove Karkat home. The ride away from the small diner was far less tense than the drive there. Soft music filled the Jeep. It was a fast-paced dubstep type music. It was pretty good. The songs shifted from a fast-paced piano with synthetic undertones, to full-on club music with pulsing beats. However, it wasn’t terrible. Dave was tapping his fingers in rhythm with the music, his head bobbing slightly.

  
“Dave, what the fuck is spewing from your radio?” Karkat tried to mask his curiosity with his usual grouchy demeanor. Dave peered at him from the side of his eyes.

  
“Just some tracks I like. Why, you don’t like it? I can change it if it’s not your type of jimmy jam Kitkat,”

  
“I never said I didn’t like it, dickmunch. I just wanted to know the artist. It’s not that bad actually,” Karkat crossed his arms and looked expectantly at Dave. He thought he saw Dave’s cheeks turn a light pink, but he couldn’t tell in the dark lighting of the car.

  
“You’re looking at him,”

  
“What?”

  
“The Artist. You’re looking at him. I mixed these tracks. You are listening to some Strider patented mixes right here. Never been heard by the public before. You got a backstage pass Karkles, you better not be recording or I’ll have to fight you. Pirate against pirate, I can’t have a peg leg Karkat, I have too much wood already. Do you want me to have a peg leg Karkat?”

  
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Karkat stared incredulously at the man driving, his mind trying to sift through the word vomit that he’d just spewed, “You made these tracks?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Was that a fucking question or an answer?”

  
“The second one?” Karkat sighed, pinching his nose.

  
“You can calm down you insecure bulge-maggot. I like the music, your music. So you can unclench your asshole and fucking breath,”

  
Dave physically relaxed at his words, his shoulders sagging slightly and his grip on the steering wheel loosened. He had a small smile on his lips as he stared out at the roads. Karkat felt a little flutter that he’d managed to make Dave smile. Not smirk, but smile.

  
They drove in silence for the rest of the short drive back to Karkat’s home. When the dim lights of his house came into view, Dave pulled off to the side of the road. He put the car in park and starred over at Karkat. He was chewing his lower lip, wanting to say something but holding himself back.

  
“Thank you,” Karkat tried to break the silence, “Thanks for, you know, pulling me out of my house. This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and you made that hell hole of a party more tolerable. So, thanks,” Karkat waited for a few seconds for Dave to respond. When the blonde said nothing Karkat turned to get out of the car.

  
“I should be thanking you,” Dave blurted out, drawing his attention back to the blonde, “You, uh, really helped me tonight. That unexpected feelings jam was, well, really nice. And needed. It’s hard to talk to Rose about that kind of stuff without her psychoanalyzing everything. Also, Dirk is just as emotionally constipated as I am, and Roxy is always way to over the top. So, uh, yeah. Thanks for listening tonight,”

  
Dave’s cheeks were tinged a noticeable red flush. He was scratching his neck in embarrassment, but he didn’t look away from Karkat. At least he thinks he didn’t. It was impossible to tell with those damn shades.

  
“And, also for telling me you liked my music. That was pretty chill too. You’re just full of surprises Kitkat,” He gave him a genuine smile, a hit of his white smile peeking out from his lips. Karkat could feel his cheeks flush slightly, looking away quickly to try and hide his face.

  
“Whatever. It’s no big deal. We all have emotions, and you don’t need to be mister cool kid stoic dickhead all the time. It’s nice to see a crack in the facade every so often,” Karkat bit his lip, weighing the words that were balanced on the tip of his tongue, “If you want, you can rant to me whenever you need. I won’t judge or whatever. You can call or text, or fuck it. You can even come over if you need,”

  
Dave looked at him wordlessly for a few moments, his smile fading slightly. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He fucked up. He’d pushed too hard too fast, and now Dave was going to shut him out. Wait, why did he care if Dave shuts him out?

  
“Yeah, okay,” Dave’s voice startled him out of his thoughts, “That’d be nice,”  
Karkat gave him a little nod and smile and climbed out of the Jeep. He turned around as he hopped out of the car giving Dave a small wave before heading inside. His cat greeted him at the door and patted after him as he made his way up to his room.  
He fell asleep with the Little Man purring on his chest, the image of Dave’s smile fresh in his mind as he fell into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeeeeeey  
> I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, and I decided to post this since it's 4/13 and I'm ignoring the epilogue. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm going to try to update this within a month, so see you then?
> 
> Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, and thank you for reading! I already have the next chapter written out, I just need to have my beta reader look over it. Thanks so much!


End file.
